Writing a weight loss memoir, food conference planning, all the stuff I’d rattle off in a bulleted list if and when I told you what I’ve been doing in Seattle for the past week- they’ve painted me the happiest color of busy.
I woke up today, crazed and chaotic and charmed beyond charmed with a full plate of good things- feeling blue.
At first I wondered,
is it Seattle’s signature brand of gloom? The drizzle?
The book deadline I’ve got on November 1st?
No, what’s eating me is that I’ve set two of my favorite things aside.
Cooking and talking daily to you.
I suppose I know you’re there.
I suppose you know I love you. But do you?
I suppose the stove knows I’m wild about him. But does he?
I suppose the oven, still chocolatey if you smell her just right, knows she makes my insides tingle. But does she?
So, hear me.
I missed my two favorite things. And in assuming you’d both be around, loving me and knowing you’re loved by me, I’ve felt unfulfilled for seven long and literary days.
I’ve eaten plainly. I’ve slept little. I’ve showered less. I’ve worn matching socks not a once (Mom, this is when you’d be wise to stop reading).
And though I told you I wouldn’t do it again, I’ve left you by your lonesome for a full week, maybe the longest span of days I’ve gone without blogging in almost two years.
If you’ve felt sad, me too.
If you’ve felt hungry, goodness me too. What’ve you got in your fridge?
If you’ve felt ants in your pants waiting on me to [for God’s sake!] put up a new post [already!], me too. And I really don’t like ants or pants.
If you’ve wondered how I could let it go so far, me too.
If you’ve missed food pornography, me too.
If you’ve asked yourself, even one time, one time at all, if I still cared, if I’d come back to blog, oh hear me: I do and I will.
If you’ve felt sure I’ve gotten too big for my britches, too book-worthy for common bloggery, you and I both know that’s untrue. I’m half as good as the food I love, and only a fraction worth your patience.
I care deeply that you’re here.
I respect you and all that you’ve added to my life.
I wouldn’t be me, in this skin, without you.
For this reason, I’ll not leave again without telling you I need a break. Because even if I think that you’ll stay and that the only one missing out would be WordPress, I’m grayer having gone away. I’m sadder and, quite honestly,
I realized in these seven days, busy or not, that my life, even if it’s glowing ten shades of technicolor, it’s dull without you and me and our kitchen.
I’m back, and please please please please, know:
I love you.
And if you’re hungry, homegirl’s back in the kitchen. Starting with the only thing that rights me when I’m all manner of wrong:
Double chocolate brownies. Fudgy and velvety intense and as dark as midnight. Four eggs for extra silky density. 100% pure chocolate for unmistakable cocoa flavor. Two heaping cups of mini chocolate chips to form melty pockets of gooey chocolate in each brownie.
They’re so rich my mother tells me to stop at two.*
*I almost always listen to her.
Double Chocolate Fudge Brownies
(slightly adapted from Baker’s One Bowl – I do not tamper with perfection)
- 4 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped
- 3/4 cup butter
- 2 cups sugar
- 4 eggs
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 1 cup flour
- 2 cups mini semisweet chocolate chips
- Preheat oven to 350°F.
- Place chopped chocolate and butter in large microwaveable bowl and heat for about two minutes or until butter is melted. Stir until chocolate is melted.
- Add sugar. Whisk in eggs and vanilla. Add flour and nuts; stir until well combined. Pour batter into a well-greased 13×9” baking pan.
- Bake 30 to 35 min. or until toothpick inserted in center comes out with fudgy crumbs. Let cool completely in the pan on a wire rack. Cut into 24 squares.
Nutrition Information for 1 Serving (1/24th of Entire Recipe): Calories 240, Total Fat 12.3 g, Total Carbohydrate 32.0 g, Dietary Fiber 0.9 g, Sugars 19.3 g, Protein 2.8 g