Apologizing through Double Chocolate Fudge Brownies
October 30th, 2011 § 44 Comments
Writing a weight loss memoir, food conference planning, all the stuff I’d rattle off in a bulleted list if and when I told you what I’ve been doing in Seattle for the past week- they’ve painted me the happiest color of busy.
But
I woke up today, crazed and chaotic and charmed beyond charmed with a full plate of good things- feeling blue.
At first I wondered,
is it Seattle’s signature brand of gloom? The drizzle?
The book deadline I’ve got on November 1st?
No, what’s eating me is that I’ve set two of my favorite things aside.
Cooking and talking daily to you.
I suppose I know you’re there.
I suppose you know I love you. But do you?
I suppose the stove knows I’m wild about him. But does he?
I suppose the oven, still chocolatey if you smell her just right, knows she makes my insides tingle. But does she?
So, hear me.
I missed my two favorite things. And in assuming you’d both be around, loving me and knowing you’re loved by me, I’ve felt unfulfilled for seven long and literary days.
I’ve eaten plainly. I’ve slept little. I’ve showered less. I’ve worn matching socks not a once (Mom, this is when you’d be wise to stop reading).
And though I told you I wouldn’t do it again, I’ve left you by your lonesome for a full week, maybe the longest span of days I’ve gone without blogging in almost two years.
If you’ve felt sad, me too.
If you’ve felt hungry, goodness me too. What’ve you got in your fridge?
If you’ve felt ants in your pants waiting on me to [for God’s sake!] put up a new post [already!], me too. And I really don’t like ants or pants.
If you’ve wondered how I could let it go so far, me too.
If you’ve missed food pornography, me too.
If you’ve asked yourself, even one time, one time at all, if I still cared, if I’d come back to blog, oh hear me: I do and I will.
If you’ve felt sure I’ve gotten too big for my britches, too book-worthy for common bloggery, you and I both know that’s untrue. I’m half as good as the food I love, and only a fraction worth your patience.
I care deeply that you’re here.
I respect you and all that you’ve added to my life.
I wouldn’t be me, in this skin, without you.
For this reason, I’ll not leave again without telling you I need a break. Because even if I think that you’ll stay and that the only one missing out would be WordPress, I’m grayer having gone away. I’m sadder and, quite honestly,
I realized in these seven days, busy or not, that my life, even if it’s glowing ten shades of technicolor, it’s dull without you and me and our kitchen.
I’m back, and please please please please, know:
I love you.
If you want more reading on why blogging saved me, check out this post. If you want to see an anniversary post of mine, where I spewed love like a chocolate fountain, read this post.
And if you’re hungry, homegirl’s back in the kitchen. Starting with the only thing that rights me when I’m all manner of wrong:
Double chocolate brownies. Fudgy and velvety intense and as dark as midnight. Four eggs for extra silky density. 100% pure chocolate for unmistakable cocoa flavor. Two heaping cups of mini chocolate chips to form melty pockets of gooey chocolate in each brownie.
They’re so rich my mother tells me to stop at two.*
*I almost always listen to her.
Double Chocolate Fudge Brownies
(slightly adapted from Baker’s One Bowl – I do not tamper with perfection)
Ingredients:
- 4 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped
- 3/4 cup butter or margarine
- 2 cups sugar
- 4 eggs
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 1 cup flour
- 2 cups mini semisweet chocolate chips
Directions:
- Preheat oven to 350°F.
- Place chopped chocolate and butter in large microwaveable bowl and heat for about two minutes or until butter is melted. Stir until chocolate is melted.
- Add sugar. Whisk in eggs and vanilla. Add flour and nuts; stir until well combined. Pour batter into a well-greased 13×9” baking pan.
- Bake 30 to 35 min. or until toothpick inserted in center comes out with fudgy crumbs.
Don’t worry. It’s like the comfortable silence of old friends.
That’s it exactly!
Welcome back! No need for any apology…but if said apology comes alongside double chocolate ANYTHING, I guess we have no choice but to accept it.
))
I’ve been looking for a great from-scratch brownie recipe recently.
So glad you posted one. Can’t wait to make them
Love this, Andie! What a way to come back. Can’t wait to try these out!
Don’t worry, I’m still here – can’t wait to read that book of yours when it comes out!
Love the recipe, love the writing!
Your sincerity is incredibly heartwarming. Hugs through the internet.
These sound delicious. I am booking marking these for sure!
Nothing beats Chocolate Fudge Brownies!!!
I can’t hardly stand the wait for your book!
p.s. Have you ever tried a maple bar w/bacon? Bomb-diggity!! Just saying. *wink
Those look heavenly. The apology was never needed (how else could we read a book full of your fabulous writing?), but the pictures of the brownies were definitely appreciated.
Apology accepted! Oh baby, those look good!
Missed you terribly. Big hugs from California.
Oh Andie, no apology necessary – you are working hard on making one of your dreams come true! I hope it is all going well. However if an apology was needed, these brownies would certainly fit the bill. Chocolate is perfect writer’s fuel as well
As much as we all miss your blogging, we could hardly feel upset at your being too busy to blog… because it means you’re working on a book. And a book means that we get to read chapter upon chapter of your amazing writing every single night, until we’ve sadly read the book from cover to cover.
I am SO looking forward to running to the bookstore and finding your book there! But that being said, I did miss your blogging and it’s so nice to see that you’re back. 
No worries! I have been checking back every so often to see if you were back. Take your time hun, I will be here!
<3 xoxo
Hello friend! I figured you were busy…it happens (I’ve taken a break from blogging…one unspoken as well). No apologies necessary! But, know I love you and am here for you. I look forward to your posts, whenever that is. Because you are real. That is why I love ya! =) Good luck with everything girl. I appreciate your honesty. And, of course, thanks for the return of food porn and brownies…..mmmmm…..
Brooke
holy yum! gorgeous clicks and even more divine are those brownies!
Funny how you call the stove “him” and the oven “her”. I missed you and now I’m glad you’re back. Thank you for that.
Peace,
Anne WF
As much as I missed you (and checked several times a day for a new post…) I am even more excited for this book! Good luck!
P.S. Thanks for the food porn. It is splendid!
I’ve missed you! I know you’re writing your book so I’ve been patient and like all good things, this was worth waiting for!
Glad you & your deliciousness are back! Missed you!
Love the way you love…glad to be reading your words again….they may be just as smooth and sweet as those brownies.
I’m a newbie who found you through Pinterest and grateful that I did. You reignited my motivation and reminded me to enjoy the process along the way. Week 1 back on the wagon….goal demolished, in the best way possible.
Thanks for the way you put all things into words and sharing that gift with all those who stumble upon it.
We miss you too, but don’t worry we totally understand! 1 more day til the deadline! You got this!!
Andie, I would also LOVE to see a book of recipes from you one day! <3
I do love and adore you, Andie. With or without brownies (but especially with). I am so thrilled that you are on this journey right now. I think everyone understands what it’s like when life gets busy and your favorite things go by the wayside and you lose track of what’s important. But even if you get busy, I know you’re centered enough that you won’t lose all site of the stuff that really matters. Blogging is a powerful force. It allows you to be entirely you, just for yourself. I’m glad you’re finding your way back not just to your blog, but also to yourself. XO
Congratulations on working hard on your book! These brownies look delicious. Thanks for sharing
Let me tell you, the past 7 days have been very lonely for me
I can’t wait to get on your site every day and when you weren’t there I didn’t know how to begin my day. Have an extra cup of coffee, call in sick to work, get extra donuts, what?
So happy your back. We love you too!
I missed you, but you’re worth waiting for. Love the brownies. I’m excited for your book.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
I am so proud of you for all that you have accompished! I completly understand, life gets so crazy sometimes! I am so excited to say ‘I knew her when’! Happy Halloween!
I forgive anyone after they bake me brownies! I love reading your blog and can’t wait to see your book.
So glad you were able to take a little break, but also so glad you’re back! These brownies look delicious. I think I’ll make them!
You’re not losing this reader, no matter how long you are away! You are loved too! I think we all understand how busy life can get
These look delish. And totally would make these if I were feeling blue.
Whoa, talk about a crazy quick turnaround on the book deadline…is that pretty standard? You do you, girl. I’ve taken almost six months off of blogging, so I know how frustrating it is to truly want to post but not have the time or energy, nor be willing to do it halfway. I respect you more for taking time off when you need it (but thrilled you’re back! Duh police! Obvious cops!).
And it just so happens I’m making your lemon garlic tuna burgers for dinner tonight. Can. NOT. Wait.
I think I can forgive you with this one! SO glad you’re back!
You are wonderful. We (I) missed you dearly, happy you are back.
Missed you but certainly understand your silence …
You’re worth waiting for! I know that Seattle gloom oh too well. Don’t miss it at all, but when Seattle shines for those few months each year, she’s hard to beat! Thanks for the inspiration. You rock!
These look stunning! YUM – For Halloween I wanted to jazz up some cupcakes, so I took a fudge brownie recipe and adjusted it to make cupcakes. They were seriously the best cupcakes ever! I suggest this to you! You can ice them with a light buttercream!!!
I fell in love with your blog yesterday! I shared it with so many people, who, in turn, fell in love as well. My dad being the biggest one. We talked about it at length yesterday. Do you live in Seattle? I live in Ballard and had no idea you lived here, and just loved your blog that much more. (If you do live in Seattle, I mean. I still love it no matter what.)
Hi!
I am from Guatemala, Central America and we found your beautiful blog through Pinterest.
Your story about weight loss is just wonderfully amazing and so honest above all, that it made me realize that lots of women are struggling with weight loss the hard way.
You made me realize you can still eat good and delicious if you pay attention to what you cook.
My family and I are using you as an example and we are including your recipes in our jurney to weight loss and healthy living.
You are such an inspiration!
Flor
[...] Double Chocolate Fudge Brownies [...]