Apologizing through Double Chocolate Fudge Brownies

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Writing a weight loss memoir, food conference planning, all the stuff I’d rattle off in a bulleted list if and when I told you what I’ve been doing in Seattle for the past week- they’ve painted me the happiest color of busy.

But

I woke up today, crazed and chaotic and charmed beyond charmed with a full plate of good things- feeling blue.

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At first I wondered,

is it Seattle’s signature brand of gloom? The drizzle?

The book deadline I’ve got on November 1st?

No, what’s eating me is that I’ve set two of my favorite things aside.

Cooking and talking daily to you.

I suppose I know you’re there.

I suppose you know I love you. But do you?

I suppose the stove knows I’m wild about him. But does he?

I suppose the oven, still chocolatey if you smell her just right, knows she makes my insides tingle. But does she?

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So, hear me.

I missed my two favorite things. And in assuming you’d both be around, loving me and knowing you’re loved by me, I’ve felt unfulfilled for seven long and literary days.

I’ve eaten plainly. I’ve slept little. I’ve showered less. I’ve worn matching socks not a once (Mom, this is when you’d be wise to stop reading).

And though I told you I wouldn’t do it again, I’ve left you by your lonesome for a full week, maybe the longest span of days I’ve gone without blogging in almost two years.

If you’ve felt sad, me too.

If you’ve felt hungry, goodness me too. What’ve you got in your fridge?

If you’ve felt ants in your pants waiting on me to [for God’s sake!] put up a new post [already!], me too. And I really don’t like ants or pants.

If you’ve wondered how I could let it go so far, me too.

If you’ve missed food pornography, me too.

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If you’ve asked yourself, even one time, one time at all, if I still cared, if I’d come back to blog,  oh hear me: I do and I will.

If you’ve felt sure I’ve gotten too big for my britches, too book-worthy for common bloggery, you and I both know that’s untrue. I’m half as good as the food I love, and only a fraction worth your patience.

I care deeply that you’re here.

I respect you and all that you’ve added to my life.

I wouldn’t be me, in this skin, without you.

For this reason, I’ll not leave again without telling you I need a break. Because even if I think that you’ll stay and that the only one missing out would be WordPress, I’m grayer having gone away. I’m sadder and, quite honestly,

I realized in these seven days, busy or not, that my life, even if it’s glowing ten shades of technicolor, it’s dull without you and me and our kitchen.

I’m back, and please please please please, know:

I love you.

If you want more reading on why blogging saved me, check out this post. If you want to see an anniversary post of mine, where I spewed love like a chocolate fountain, read this post.

And if you’re hungry, homegirl’s back in the kitchen. Starting with the only thing that rights me when I’m all manner of wrong:

Double chocolate brownies. Fudgy and velvety intense and as dark as midnight. Four eggs for extra silky density. 100% pure chocolate for unmistakable cocoa flavor. Two heaping cups of mini chocolate chips to form melty pockets of gooey chocolate in each brownie.

They’re so rich my mother tells me to stop at two.*

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*I almost always listen to her.

 

 

Double Chocolate Fudge Brownies

(slightly adapted from Baker’s One Bowl – I do not tamper with perfection)

Makes 24

 

Ingredients:

  • 4 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped
  • 3/4 cup  butter
  • 2 cups sugar
  • 4   eggs
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla
  • 1 cup  flour
  • 2 cups mini semisweet chocolate chips

Directions:

  1. Preheat oven to 350°F.
  2. Place chopped chocolate and butter in large microwaveable bowl and heat for about two minutes or until butter is melted. Stir until chocolate is melted.
  3. Add sugar. Whisk in eggs and vanilla. Add flour and nuts; stir until well combined. Pour batter into a well-greased 13×9” baking pan.
  4. Bake 30 to 35 min. or until toothpick inserted in center comes out with fudgy crumbs. Let cool completely in the pan on a wire rack. Cut into 24 squares.

Nutrition Information for 1 Serving (1/24th of Entire Recipe): Calories  240, Total Fat 12.3 g, Total Carbohydrate 32.0 g, Dietary Fiber 0.9 g, Sugars 19.3 g, Protein 2.8 g

Comments

  1. Evelyn says

    Welcome back! No need for any apology…but if said apology comes alongside double chocolate ANYTHING, I guess we have no choice but to accept it. :)))

  2. TJ says

    Nothing beats Chocolate Fudge Brownies!!! :) I can’t hardly stand the wait for your book!
    p.s. Have you ever tried a maple bar w/bacon? Bomb-diggity!! Just saying. *wink

  3. Jessica says

    Those look heavenly. The apology was never needed (how else could we read a book full of your fabulous writing?), but the pictures of the brownies were definitely appreciated.

  4. says

    Oh Andie, no apology necessary – you are working hard on making one of your dreams come true! I hope it is all going well. However if an apology was needed, these brownies would certainly fit the bill. Chocolate is perfect writer’s fuel as well :)

  5. says

    As much as we all miss your blogging, we could hardly feel upset at your being too busy to blog… because it means you’re working on a book. And a book means that we get to read chapter upon chapter of your amazing writing every single night, until we’ve sadly read the book from cover to cover. :) I am SO looking forward to running to the bookstore and finding your book there! But that being said, I did miss your blogging and it’s so nice to see that you’re back. :)

  6. says

    Hello friend! I figured you were busy…it happens (I’ve taken a break from blogging…one unspoken as well). No apologies necessary! But, know I love you and am here for you. I look forward to your posts, whenever that is. Because you are real. That is why I love ya! =) Good luck with everything girl. I appreciate your honesty. And, of course, thanks for the return of food porn and brownies…..mmmmm…..

    Brooke

  7. Anne Weber-Falk says

    Funny how you call the stove “him” and the oven “her”. I missed you and now I’m glad you’re back. Thank you for that.

    Peace,
    Anne WF

  8. says

    As much as I missed you (and checked several times a day for a new post…) I am even more excited for this book! Good luck!

    P.S. Thanks for the food porn. It is splendid!

  9. says

    Love the way you love…glad to be reading your words again….they may be just as smooth and sweet as those brownies.
    I’m a newbie who found you through Pinterest and grateful that I did. You reignited my motivation and reminded me to enjoy the process along the way. Week 1 back on the wagon….goal demolished, in the best way possible. :)
    Thanks for the way you put all things into words and sharing that gift with all those who stumble upon it. :)

  10. says

    I do love and adore you, Andie. With or without brownies (but especially with). I am so thrilled that you are on this journey right now. I think everyone understands what it’s like when life gets busy and your favorite things go by the wayside and you lose track of what’s important. But even if you get busy, I know you’re centered enough that you won’t lose all site of the stuff that really matters. Blogging is a powerful force. It allows you to be entirely you, just for yourself. I’m glad you’re finding your way back not just to your blog, but also to yourself. XO

  11. Trish says

    Let me tell you, the past 7 days have been very lonely for me :) I can’t wait to get on your site every day and when you weren’t there I didn’t know how to begin my day. Have an extra cup of coffee, call in sick to work, get extra donuts, what?

    So happy your back. We love you too!

  12. Irene says

    I am so proud of you for all that you have accompished! I completly understand, life gets so crazy sometimes! I am so excited to say ‘I knew her when’! Happy Halloween!

  13. says

    You’re not losing this reader, no matter how long you are away! You are loved too! I think we all understand how busy life can get :)

    These look delish. And totally would make these if I were feeling blue.

  14. says

    Whoa, talk about a crazy quick turnaround on the book deadline…is that pretty standard? You do you, girl. I’ve taken almost six months off of blogging, so I know how frustrating it is to truly want to post but not have the time or energy, nor be willing to do it halfway. I respect you more for taking time off when you need it (but thrilled you’re back! Duh police! Obvious cops!).

    And it just so happens I’m making your lemon garlic tuna burgers for dinner tonight. Can. NOT. Wait.

  15. Debra says

    You’re worth waiting for! I know that Seattle gloom oh too well. Don’t miss it at all, but when Seattle shines for those few months each year, she’s hard to beat! Thanks for the inspiration. You rock!

  16. Cassie Daughtrey says

    I fell in love with your blog yesterday! I shared it with so many people, who, in turn, fell in love as well. My dad being the biggest one. We talked about it at length yesterday. Do you live in Seattle? I live in Ballard and had no idea you lived here, and just loved your blog that much more. (If you do live in Seattle, I mean. I still love it no matter what.)

  17. says

    Hi!
    I am from Guatemala, Central America and we found your beautiful blog through Pinterest.
    Your story about weight loss is just wonderfully amazing and so honest above all, that it made me realize that lots of women are struggling with weight loss the hard way.
    You made me realize you can still eat good and delicious if you pay attention to what you cook.
    My family and I are using you as an example and we are including your recipes in our jurney to weight loss and healthy living.
    You are such an inspiration!
    Flor

  18. Susan says

    I love these brownies. I always use the Baker’s brownie recipe as a “base” when I make mine. Instead of the chocolate chips I’ll add some mint chips (Andes mint chips are good)or peanut butter chips or mini-M&M’s, lol all kinds of stuff really. When people tell me that making brownies from scratch is too much trouble or takes too long, I have to tell them to use the Baker’s recipe and yea it might take longer than doing a box, but it is 1,000 times better tasting.

  19. Mishaa says

    Im from Pakistan (bet you dont here that very often :P) i found your blog through Stumbleupon and i absolutely love it! your story of weight loss and maintaining it while having a baking addiction is something i can sympathize with. Im always in search of a brownie recipe and was wondering if i can make them with cocoa powder?

  20. Katie says

    Hi Andie, can you tell me the calorie count for this recipe. I read through it, maybe I missed it?

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  1. […] peanut butter balls dipped in chocolate (mmmmmm peanut butter), and a pumpkin roll.  I contributed double chocolate fudge brownies (make them!! they will change your life!!), applesauce cookies with caramel frosting (make them!! […]

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