On Daniel

I adore him.

A world more than I could begin to love this blog or even writing. And so,

he deserves to have been as adored in every post as he has been for the past two years. Those posts I wrote about him stand among my very favorite. They’re tender and true and they speak so much of how much he cared for my crazy, and I for his.

But after six years together, I let you know

that we broke apart last August in Seattle.

During the fall, we stayed living together, and then we moved back to Massachusetts come December. He’s a country away now, home in the States while I’m making a ramshackle home here in Central America.

I tell you because

well let’s be honest here,

I tell you everything.

And many of you have asked. “Where’s Daniel, Andie?”

He’s still wonderful, still as gentle and generous as ever. The funniest, most brilliant being, always.

We’re just not meant for forever in love.

And even now, with him as my best friend, we speak once to twice a week. Maybe even more than that, but for the sake of my envious mother, who only gets to hear from me four times per week now that I’m in Costa Rica via text, $2/minute phone call, and Facebook, let’s not get into the nitty gritty of quantifying. She’ll be guilting me silently from Massachusetts regardless.

Comments

  1. Emily says

    I would say that I am sorry to hear that, but I don’t think that’s the right response. I think what I want to say is I hope you’re both happier, in a better place for both of you.

  2. Kayleigh says

    I’ve read/loved/cooked from/learned from your blog for over a year now, but never commented. I guess what I want to say now is just that I think you’re incredible, and I wish you the best.

    Thank you for being honest and inspiring in every one of your posts. It really means a lot.

  3. Rose says

    Hi Andie,

    I only arrived here two days ago, now every page has had an extra hit over the last two days. I arrived via a food and nutrition course, I stayed because your writing and your lust for life knocked my socks off.

    Last night as I finished up reading most of your posts I did a search on “Daniel” because he seemed to feature heavily and then there was nothing about him. Now I see.

    Your story is amazing, your writing is even better.

    Your Mum probably reads all your comments so I’ll add this: Dear Andie’s Mum, Don’t worry I’m not weird or a stalker or anything, I’m a middle aged Aussie, probably about the same age as you. Let’s have a coffee and a chat: how amazing is your kid!

  4. JJ says

    Andie, I too ended a six year relationship awhile ago. It’s heartbreaking and wonderful all at once, if that’s possible. The time since we ended things (it’s now been 3 years…I can hardly believe it) has seen many changes and ebbs and flows in what we are together, but nothing will change how we shaped each other in some of the best years of our small little lives thus far. Thank you far sharing this. I truly wish you and Daniel all the best as you sort out how you now fit into one another’s lives. Enjoy spreading your wings in Costa Rica and continuing to bring out the best in yourself and everyone who reads this blog! :)

  5. Becca says

    So refreshing to hear such an evolved perspective on the reality of relationships. Growth is complicated and things change, but maintaining a love (if not romantic) for the other person makes it all the more easier. How wonderful for you that you get to recoup in beautiful South America! And how wonderful for US that you are sharing your incredible recipes and stories still! LOVING the ranchero sauce. And living vicariously through your avocados! :)

  6. johnny says

    Reading “On Daniel” made me think, I started reading this blog because I wanted to know what amazing idea you had for loosing all that weight (haven’t forgotten my weight battle it’s only 14 lbs down and 56 to go, struggling!) then (very quickly)it became a saga that I hope will never end! Daniel started that saga with you and all us readers so it was with sadness that he left. You however could never leave us! Your wit, charm, bubbly personality should never change. We are a very selfish lot out here and verrrrryyyyyy selfishly wish to drag every little bit of your person out in the open for us to see! We LOVE YOU VERY MUCH and hope “our” relationship with you never ever ends!!!! :)

  7. katie says

    Dearest Andie,

    As I sit here, pondering the beauty of your honesty and maturity, and the undeniable likability/popularity of your blog, I can’t help but think to myself, with clarity and certainty–they will make a movie about her someday.

    How would that be for your worlds merging? :)

    As always–thanks for sharing, lovely. Your photos and traveling adventures have been absolutely captivating! Now Costa Rica is on my list of places-not-yet-but-needed-to-be-seen.

    Have an extra daiquiri tonight, and cry, just a little, for love lost and love yet to be found. But know, always know, how much we love you here!

    Katie XO

  8. says

    I had wondered, but my respect for you and the friendships you’ve created here kept me from asking. I knew you would share in your own time. I am so happy that you’ve found a good balance in your relationship with him and that you continue to search for everything your heart desires.

    You are lovely, as always. XO

  9. says

    I’m sorry, my love. But I’m glad you both found a balance of being in each other’s lives that works for you. Love sometimes sadly changes, but I raise my glass (or um, coffee because it’s the morning) to you and the future! :) xoxo

  10. says

    *sigh* I think I may be a year or two older than you, but I REALLY hope I grow up to be like you some day. Seriously.

    That was the kindest and most level headed post about a break up I’ve ever read. I’m sure at the time you were pained and upset, and maybe even now sometimes, but that was beautifully stated.

  11. says

    And I thought I was the only one wondering, thank you for your honesty.

    Living now, recognizing that what was may not be now, and again living now, you do so well.

    I REALLY began following your blog when you wrote that you and Daniel ate a head of roasted broccoli EACH several times a week. That blog was an epiphany for me.

    Thank you.

    On to beloved.

  12. says

    I am one of your faithful readers who had been wondering…. Thank you for sharing with us what may have been difficult to share. Great happiness to you both!

    And by the way, don’t post those gorgeous photos of Costa Rica too often please, OK? Your posts are making me exceedingly jealous.

  13. Mya says

    Thank you. This made me cry. A lot. But I needed this today and probably will again a few months from now.
    I knew as soon as you posted about going to Costa Rica that you and Daniel had gone your separate ways. Not sure how I knew, just a gut feeling.
    I’m going through something similar with my boyfriend of 4 years right now and I only hope we come out on the other side with a similar relationship as you and Daniel now manage because I feel exactly as you describe.
    If your mom does read the comments, I hope she reads this and knows that it’s not always simple. Sometimes we only get the good ones on loan, but someday we’ll find a better one that we get to keep. <3
    I hope Costa Rica is as good for a healing heart as it looks in your pictures. Certainly a fabulous friend like Camille is! :) Enjoy!

  14. says

    “we’re just not meant for forever in love.”

    ^ I had that variety of breakup a little over a mont ago, but in a much shorter relationship by about 5 years.

    I thank you, once again, for sharing so eloquently something that has the potential to be substantially less-than-eloquent.

    So…thank you, a million times over.
    (And also for making me add “Costa Rica” to my possible travel list)

  15. says

    It sounds like you two made a good decision for the both of you. It’s wonderful that you can still remain friends and that your relationship didn’t end with anger and resentment and hostility the way that many relationships do.

  16. says

    I once ended a 5.5 year relationship. At the time, I was certain I’d never recover. It was hard enough for me to come to terms with it in front of my friends and family – I can’t imagine doing so on a public forum like your blog. But you did, and ever so gracefully. I hope you continue enjoying every single minute of your Costa Rican adventures.

  17. Brenda the Barefootcookingirl says

    Oh my, how well said! Enjoy the warm breezes, as you continue on your life adventure.

  18. says

    Whenever I need to be brave and share something real and difficult in writing, I think of you.

    Such a simple post, but so perfectly poignant. I love that you waited to share it until you were ready, and I also love that you chose to revisit it at all, when it probably would have been easy to just sweep it under the rug.

    JUST SO EXCITED FOR THE MEMOIR.

  19. Samantha says

    Dear Andie,

    I just discovered this blog, and it is so amazing. Reading your blog made me understand my relationship with food. I thought I just could never stick with my diet for lack of will power, but now I am realizng I eat because I am bored and I am lonely. Eating, then the subsequent napping, takes up my time and makes me forget everything I am feeling except for the pleasure of tastykakes.

    However, this realization is actually kind of scary. It may have been easier to think I just had no will power than to confront the fact that I must be deeply unhappy to be eating and abusing myself like this. I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who I love very much. Because of our jobs and school, we haven’t been able to be together for almost all of the three years we have been together. I know part of this is my fault, because why don’t I move where he lives, but I got a good job opportunity and I thought he would move here eventually.

    Fast forward a year later, and we are still long distance with no end in sight. I started a life in a new city and have friends, but on the nights they are with their boyfriends or go on dates, I just eat. For the past year, I thought that I was just passing the time until we would be together, start a new life where I would actually cook for us instead of feeding myself with takeout, a life where I was happy, organized, and about ten pounds thinner. I just had to wait on him, then I could have this life.

    Well, reading your blog has made me realize I am the one wasting my life, and I have only myself to blame (oh, and of course that guilt is making me hungry…). I just want to thank you and say how much reading your blog has meant to me. I don’t know what the answers are, but your blog will help me just enjoy each day and live my life instead of just waiting! Thank you so much, you are beautiful and your writing is amazing!

  20. Stephanie says

    I recently found your blog, oddly from pinterest two days after my therapist told me to check out This American Girl. This blog entry really spoke to me. I am newly divorced from my best friend of the last 10 years. He and I have been able to maintain our wonderful friendship even though everyone keeps telling both of us that we can’t do that. Reading this entry and seeing that while you have been able to move on with your life, you two have also been able to maintain a wonderful friendship. Thank you for reassuring me that this is possible!

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