When I began this blog two and a half years ago, it was essentially to be a journal of my life
in and around and
by way of
When I lost half of my body weight- 135 long and labored and sometimes loved pounds- I was asked, almost as a curious tag along to, ‘how did you do it?,’
‘so…what do you eat?’
Can You Stay for Dinner? was, and is,
my long winded answer.
I’ve never wanted to be, nor enjoyed being, a health zealot. Meaning, I’ve never once felt so self righteous as to prescribe my path, my lifestyle, to another.
It seems impractical and impersonal. It feels distasteful. It sounds high and mighty. And I’m not Oprah, unfortunately.
So the blog was created with the sole intention to show rather than tell. Simply to be an illustration of me, painted colorfully in food. And, the hope, I guess
was that you’d learn all you wanted to know about me and Little Debbie and our journey together and apart, all on your own. You’d come to your own conclusions. You’d begin to put together the parts I’ve chosen to show you and maybe you’d like the whole of it, or maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you’d want to hang out, maybe you’d rather not stick around, maybe you’d think I’m a wild narcissist, maybe you’d be turned off by my fancifying of language, maybe it’d be something where you just don’t dig my eats. That. is. all. okay.
But perhaps I still have a bit of a grandiose belief that what I share- my reflections and recipes- could mean something to others. From what I lost, others could gain- an understanding of how I love food and eating and even even even those little jiggly bits I rock on my thighs.
Until now, I’ve tried rather hard to avoid discussing the nitty gritty of what I choose to put into my mouth each day, the tally of calories I’ve collected, the topics associated with actually dieting. I’ve long shied away from sharing the details on carbs and calories and plateaus and scales because I don’t like how I feel when it seems as though I’m preaching. I also know how deeply personal these topics can be, how sacred eating can be, how defensive we as people can be when we feel our beliefs about our bodies are being challenged. And I completely respect that.
I’m of the mind that none of it- not the diet plan we choose, not the amount we exercise, not the grams of carbs we consume- matters in the grander scheme of weight loss. None of it can exist or be sustained without reverence for the emotional sides of our bodies, our weight. It’s the inside work that changes the outside. It’s the emotional part that I want to spotlight. It always will be.
The reason I write this post is because I know I have friends and readers who prefer I stick to what I’ve always done. They love the emotional writing, the more abstract discussions of weight and food acceptance, and the posts I put up lately that seem very ‘diet-y’ (on calorie counting, weighing yourself, etc) make them uncomfortable. I absolutely, one hundred percent, understand where these readers are coming from. I respect it to no end.
But then, there are my other friends and readers. There are folks who read the blog who are just beginning their journeys, perhaps they’re in the weeds of weight loss, perhaps they’re starting to heal a long and troubled relationship with food, or perhaps they’re just curious and conscious about health, and they want me to consider writing about the things I’ve avoided discussing here on CYSFD.
And maybe they’re asking me to cover these topics doesn’t always come from a desire to hear about them from me and my perspective; maybe they’d just like to read the comments of others. Maybe they dig the discussion that can be fostered from me throwing out a topic and all of us weighing in on it. If this is the case, that is just. so. awesome. The sometimes sense of community here fulfills me to the point of overflowing.
I’m not a Registered Dietitian, not a licensed therapist, not aware of the complexity of you, your body, and your life (even if I’d like to be), and most glaringly- I’m not even that good at turning down a cupcake. I am simply one [hot mess of a] person who happens to have lots of history and personal experience with dieting, losing weight, and learning to love her whole self. That is all, and I’m hoping it’s enough for many of you.
As impossible as this sounds, I don’t want this blog to be entirely one sided. I don’t want to publish with the lone focus being on me and what I think and care about, though I imagine that’s what it may seem as though I do. I care deeply about you who come here. I read each and every email, every question, every request, even if I don’t always reply. I aim to blog with a regard for your feelings and choices, while still respecting my own. I believe that each post will somehow speak to at least one reader, and that’s really all I could ask for.
I hope you understand that the post styles and topics and tones may change, but my intentions remain the same. As always, I hope this post reads in the manner I hoped it to, with love and respect.
Thanks for sticking with me, even when I’m all over the place.
All the good things,