Thank you.

by Andie Mitchell on September 18, 2013


 

Your comments, your emails…oh my God. Thank you. I am so grateful to know you in some way–just to have you in my life. Every day, I’m reminded of how lucky I am to have this space of my own to share my life, but truly, none of it would mean anything without you. Not one single thing.

Thank you for accepting me as I am. Let’s always keep it real.

I do love you, even if it’s weird,

Andie

 

p.s. This is how amazing Mom is: The morning after I published the post, I was nervous to call her at work, knowing she’d have read it by then. I’ve talked to her millions of times about exactly the kinds of things I wrote about (nothing is left unspoken between us), but still, I found no easy way to share something like that without wondering if it was coming across in some way like a blame game. I feared that she’d feel attacked, misrepresented.

I dialed the number. It rang; it rang. “Francie?”

“Hi Mum…”

“That was a really beautiful post.”

“…Are you upset?”

“No,” she said, her voice soft and warm. “Of course not. I was sad. I was reading about my baby.”

I sighed, relieved, and yet, I was stunned at her grace. I explained more of what I meant to say–more of what I might not have expressed clearly in writing, and told her, “It’s just–nothing was meant to come out as your fault. I know that you love my writing, I–”

She cut me off. “It was honest. All you can do is tell the truth. I hope the book is just as honest.”

What an incredible testament to our relationship that she wants me say all that I need to say, independently of her feelings. This is why I love my mother. This is a woman who, despite any hurt she might feel at reading the candor of that post, is willing to shove it all aside so that her daughter can air the depths of her own vulnerability.

Later that night, we had a good, long conversation, just as we’ve had so, so many (too many?) times before, where she tried to explain why she pushes me the way she does. She’s thinking about writing her own short piece (maybe we’ll publish it with her weekly weigh-in), and I completely support that. I actually think it’ll be great, because she’s a vital part of my life, and now this blog, and her voice should be heard.

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Aflindsay September 19, 2013 at 1:56 am

Wow. That would automatically be the same worry as me. I’m so happy that I found your site and have read the past couple of posts… the truly meant so much to me. I have felt the same way and it’s hard to articulate the way you feel, especially since you are publishing your thoughts. I just want you to know that you’re not alone, it’s nice to read others go through the same thing. Please let us know if you do a book tour or visit Northern California, I would love to go to a book reading and meet the “real” Andi :)

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Rocio September 19, 2013 at 2:43 am

Your P.S. made my eyes water immedietaly haha I thought it was so sweet when your mom said it made her sad because she was reading about her baby, this is so true. It hurt me to see you were suffering and it happens often when I see the people I love suffer. I can also imagine how you must have felt about hurting her. Anyways, we would love to see her perspective.

Also we don’t think you were blaming her on anything. Parents always want what’s best for their children and what’s best for us is sometimes different than their expectations. By the way, we love you too.

Maryellen: We love you and you remind me of my dear parents. Lots of love and best intentions. My dad was really sad when I closed my facebook account for a while and I thought it was so funny haha I had no idea he looked at it. He is also always pushing me and wantint me to be better, but isn’t that what parents are for? I have many times felt like Andy described. But deep down we know it is only because you want the best for us.

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Donna September 19, 2013 at 5:54 am

Andie, I hadn’t left a comment on your last thoughtful post. Truly I felt so many mixed emotions, I needed an entire conversation to sort it all out. It was hard to comment because I have been in your place and now I am in your mother’s place. It took me many years to work through some resentment I held toward my own mother, but now she is my best friend. You and your Mom have such a loving and authentic relationship. Sharing your feelings, talking it out, and even fighting it out when necessary – these are the makings of real love. Life is complicated . . . until we choose to see with fresh eyes . . . and that is what you and Maryellen are doing. I love you both and thank you for opening your hearts to share with me.

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Laura September 19, 2013 at 6:28 am

Indeed, you mother extended amazing grace in it’s truest form to you and that made my heart smile. Thank you both for being so vulnerable. Not easy in this public forum.

I came originally to your blog for food/weight issues. Now my most favorite posts are those about life, honestly, authenticity. That is why I will read your book.

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Audrey September 19, 2013 at 7:13 am

In life where people are very PC, too wary of others feelings, and not always honest with each other (I am completely at fault here)… your posts make me smile. And make me feel human. I’m not perfect, even though I try to be, and it’s nice to know I’m not alone… and we’re all un-perfect together :) Keep being you and telling us all about it. We love you!

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Cassie September 19, 2013 at 9:02 am

Andie, your past couple of posts touched me so much. It is so relieving to see that honesty, especially in a world where it is so hard to be open with people. Not to mention that it is easy to lie when the majority of us only know you because we were blessed enough to find this incredible site of yours. You are such a beautiful woman, inside and out. I am excited to read your books, and also read what your mom writes. You two are very strong and talented women and I don’t doubt that your writing will convey anything less!
I love you and thank you again for opening up to us!

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Anne Jasinski September 19, 2013 at 9:05 am

I adore you and your writing. Just awesome.

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Donna b September 19, 2013 at 9:19 am

I truly appreciate you Andie :)
I also think its wonderful that you have a mom like that. My mom wasn’t that way. If I said even the slightest thing even remotely like that she would pretty much have backhanded me physically and or verbally. I try to be more like the mom you have with my children. I realize I was not a perfect mom and I try not to make them feel like I thought I was.

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Jamielynn September 19, 2013 at 10:45 am

Andie,

I read your post yesterday and immediately wanted to comment (and/or give you a hug!) but have been struggling with what to say and how to say it without being repetitive. I’ve been thinking about you since then. Your post was stunningly honest and such a raw and powerful dose of reality. It broke my heart but gave me hope.

I found your blog approximately 2 years ago and tried to start reading from the beginning. I LOVED reading about your daily adventures whether they be big or small! I’ve tried several of your recipes, my favorite being the coconut crusted chicken (we make that on a daily basis-especially for company). Since then I’ve gotten a new job and lost touch for a bit but have been able to get back on track since your mom started on her diet (she is ah-maze-ing!). I’m addicted and I love receiving the alert in my inbox that there is a new post waiting for me to read. I would actually go home after a new post and tell my fiance about you and your day! What can I say I want to be your friend!! I love your quirkiness, your flowing words and not to mention the food. WE LOVE FOOD!

I’ve always had this image of you being close to perfect, losing the weight that you did, being as motivated as you were to do so, moving to several different places far away from your family (I couldn’t do that), writing your food blogs, taking the beautiful photos that you do of your food!! Most of all COMMITTING to the blog for so long and having the ability to open up to people you don’t even know the way that you’ve done. You are a rock star!

Yesterday, after I read your post I was so sad. Sad that you had to go through something like that. Sad that it felt like my friend (please don’t think I’m weird) had to struggle through something like that. It was so real though, and it made me realize you’re a person too and that nobody’s life is perfect!!! We all struggle with one thing or another and some struggle more than others. Thank you for sharing your deepest darkest thoughts and most private moments with us.

Kudos to your mother for being so supportive and equally as honest with you. I love her thought process and couldn’t imagine reading that post if I were her. I hope this brings you even closer that you already are! I adore your relationship with each other.

I’m so happy that you are ok, I’m so happy that we all get to enjoy your writing more. I am so excited for your book and I can not wait to read it! Please continue to write, please continue to cook and continue to live your life the way that you’ve learned to do so; one moment at a time. Savor it, there are big things to come for you!! Follow your dreams- you’re doing fantastic and you are an inspiration to others-especially me!

THANK YOU!

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Tamara September 19, 2013 at 11:07 am

Andie, your light shines so brightly. Thank you for sharing it with us. I can’t wait for your book(s)!! <3

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Amanda September 19, 2013 at 1:13 pm

Andie,

I have been reading your blog for about a year. These last two posts confirm the reason I am a reader. I can empathize so much with what you say.

I live in NYC. So if you want to start a book/wine/get to know people, I’m in.

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Lisa September 19, 2013 at 3:01 pm

Hi Andie: This year was my beginning to following your posts and honestly I hate it when my life gets so busy and I don’t always keep up. You’re always sharing so much about you and your mom. It really brings a comfort to read along all that you share – I always look forward to your posts. I’m sad that you’re sad – I wish I could say the right thing to cheer you up. You’re stories always brighten my (and so many other peoples) days. Thinking of you and sending a hug. Lisa

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Rachel September 19, 2013 at 3:19 pm

Andie,

As many others have said, I so appreciate your honesty, genuineness, and warmth. I wanted to share this quote because it really resonated with me, and I thought it might resonate with you and other readers: “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself”- Anna Quindlen. Thank you for sharing yourself with us, and I look forward to reading your book!

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Lexi September 19, 2013 at 9:15 pm

This is amazing and awesome. I am so happy your mother is supportive and you had that exchange. You have such wonderful posts! Thank you for sharing your life with us.

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Cindy September 19, 2013 at 10:22 pm

Jesus H Christ. This is sssssooooo boring. Here, let me help everyone get it. A 20-something year old needs their mommy’s approval for every fu**ing post they put up. This is the same f**king mommy who pouts like a little kid when it’s time for a meal they have complete and total control of and they refuse to eat a thing,,,,,,because why?????? Oh hey, you guys, it’s cuz she’s 12 and doesn’t have time!!!!!!!!. She is so F**KING BUSY!!!!!!!!!
Andie note: Your mommy is a dumbass.
I. am. officially. done. with. this. blog. It’s no longer about ‘canyoustayfordinner’. It’s mostly about ‘who the fuck would give 2 shits about staying for dinner with this fucking drivel. but, hey, thanks for playing, bitches!!!!’
Give it a rest already, move to NY, have fancy and expensive

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Sarah September 20, 2013 at 3:29 pm

Cindy – calm down. No one if forcing you to read this blog and your cruel response to a vulnerable post like this seems harsh

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RBee September 19, 2013 at 10:22 pm

As others have stated, I have imagined you as incredibly successful in nearly every aspect of life. While you have worked for and deserved all this, sometimes perceived perfection can build a wall in the mind the perceiver. Your last post tore down any vestiges of that, because you were successful in opening up your heart and soul and showing that you are human and broken. While my heart staggers with sorrow for you, at the same time you have somehow liberated me, and I can’t explain why. I’m just so grateful that a person so delightful as you can also be so very relatable on such a dark level, because yes, I understand that feeling of ‘how do I get through the next three hours until bedtime’? day after day…
I can say that these days are long in the past for me, and I pray that one days yours also will be nothing but a distant memory. You were made with purpose and for a purpose. I’m grateful that part of your purpose includes blogging for weird & complete strangers like me. While you know nothing about my life, I feel blessed to have been allowed into yours.

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Cindy September 19, 2013 at 10:25 pm

food, wine, etc. Hopefully your mommy will start eating right without your help. Isn’t she like almost 60? F**k this s**t. B.O.R.I.N.G.

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Amelia September 20, 2013 at 11:31 am

Thank YOU as always for your honesty. You’ve had a fair amount of success already and should not doubt yourself.

I love how beautiful and compassionate your relationship with your mom is. I often wonder that *’if* I wrote my life story how much would insult or embarass my own mother.

“At the end of the day” (I hate this expression); all we can do is be content with our choices. We can’t change them once they’re over but we can change how we view them.

Good luck on your next life chapter!

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sarah September 20, 2013 at 12:43 pm

so many have said what I want to say. But know I love you and your strength and so admire you and think you are amazing!
xoxo

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Sandi September 22, 2013 at 11:27 pm

Longtime reader, but have never commented. I admire your strength and your honesty, and appreciate your willingness to share yourself with us. Best of luck with the next chapter in your life!

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Anne September 23, 2013 at 1:28 am

Andie, your message was so sad, thought provoking and real. Believe me, you are among MANY who suffer from depression. Sometimes you can have everything and still be so sad inside with that gray cloud over your head…….whew! Sometimes it is not childhood, but chemical imbalance. Period. It is very important to talk to a qualified person to help to heal or at least feel better and try to get to the root of the problem. Been doing it all for ten years and still going. I am a different person and for the better. Much stronger and have learned so much about myself.. Wish I had gone to therapy 30 years ago. But, I didn’t and I think you get there when you are suppose to arrive there. Many hugs to you. Keep on girlfriend! There is a lot more life out there for you to enjoy and you have many WONDERFUL opportunities await you! I am so very proud of you as are many, many others. So very excited that you are heading for the Big Apple!!!!!!!!!! What a fun time for you and your friend. I know several people who have moved up there and they LOVE it! No time like the present. Enjoy!!!!
p.s. Know your post was probably very difficult to write but it was wonderful and think whom you may have helped!?!??!!?!? Also thought Mom’s response was so sweet. kind and endearing. :-) Thanks for opening up your heart for all of us. I am grateful you trust us, friend.

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Chelsea September 27, 2013 at 1:18 pm

Andie, your writing is so poignant, beautiful and haunting at the same time. I originally started reading your blog because of the healthy recipes and “real life” weight loss advice, but I love reading your more intimate and vulnerable posts too. I’m starting out in the blogging world, and am trying to learn, navigate and find my own voice and I look to your blog for inspiration. Also, being a fellow Massachusetts girl, it makes me feel like I connect with your writing even more, strange as that may sound! Best of luck in Manhattan, and I can’t wait until your book comes out.

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