The Journey to Lose 135lbs
Five years ago, I weighed 268 lbs.
It was the summer after my sophomore year of college and I was standing on a scale in the local YMCA when I saw that number. I had just joined with my best friend, both of us looking to get in shape, although getting in shape for me at that moment meant a massive life overhaul.
I felt lost.
I felt scared.
I had reached a point where I knew, I really knew, that if I did not make a change at that very moment, I would one day be 400 lbs. I had lost that ability to say to myself, “yeah I’m big, but I’m not going to ever be that big.” Just looking at charts of my weight history would prove that I was indeed on my way to half-tondom (I made that word up, don’t google it). From as far back as I can remember, I was overweight. Bigger than chubby, if you will. My weight gradually rose from birth to age 20. I wasn’t the woman who put on weight after having children, or the athlete who suffered an injury and gained weight, or even the freshman who packed on fifteen. Being fat was all I knew.
Stepping off the scale at the Y, I had to ask myself, “How did I get here?” At first, my mind went to the obvious- the food. The cakes, the cookies, the pizza, the Sprite, the Whoppers. Then my mind went to the genes- my dad, my grandmother, we’re big people. I played this game like a “Whodunit” Murder Mystery. “Somebody implanted an extra 135 lbs under my skin and no one is leaving this room until I find out who it was!”
Good tactic.
I knew the truth, though. I didn’t become morbidly obese because I loved food or because my family was big. I became morbidly obese because I was in pain. I know there’s always a fine line in the blog world of telling just enough and telling too much, but I think maybe too much is better this time. My father was an alcoholic since the day I was born. His drinking made for instability, fear, and sadness. There were a lot of really bad times, but I’ve got to say that I just adored him. As volatile as he could be and as much as he was hurting us by drinking himself into oblivion, I loved him with every inch of me. When I was twelve years old, he died of a stroke. My heart was broken. I tell you all of this because it is why I used food as love for most of my life. I loved food and food loved me. Amidst chaos and insecurity, I could control the food- the kind and the amount. When I felt nervous, food was reassuring. When I was anxious food was soothing. When I was sad, food lifted me up. When no one was home, food was my babysitter. For every.single.emotion I could turn to food and she would love me back.
At twenty years old, though, food wasn’t loving me anymore. My dependency on it needed to come to an end. Desire to change is what brought me to the YMCA that day in June, and it’s what made me return day after day. I joined Weight Watchers eventually. I think what was most helpful was living one day at a time. With 100+ pounds to go before I reached the finish line of weight loss, it was very easy to become discouraged when I looked at the big picture. I just tried to get through the day feeling my best and knowing that I just kicked Monday in the pants. Sometimes I thought, “Oh my God, I can’t eat another egg white omelet for breakfast and not have a Reese’s McFlurry ever again.” But then I asked myself, “Can you do it today, Andrea? Just today?” And I could. That question made each day manageable.
Eventually I arrived at my goal weight. My journey to that point was all at once the most agonizing and gratifying experience of my life. And being 135lbs smaller, literally half my size, was terrifying. How do you maintain a weight you’ve never known? How do you live moderately? What is normalcy? The answers to these questions were a mystery to me. I had no frame of reference for my new body because I only knew two modes: overeating and dieting. Learning to maintain my weight was as hard as losing it.
Wow, thank you for sharing!
Wow…Just wow..My life is much like that. I am on this journey now. From 261 lbs on May 9, 2011 to 234 now on 10/27/11. I still have a long way to go but it is awe inspiring to hear your story & see your photos. You are my new inspiration! Thank-you for sharing.
Good job “toomuchjw”! Keep it up!
Good job, “toomuchjw”. That is a huge success!!
Reading your story has been so encouraging to me! I too have been overweight my entire life, and just like you said I feel it has gotten to the point where I can no longer say “I’ll never be that big” because I am much bigger than I ever thought I would be. I have recently started a diet, 2 weeks ago, and my goal is to lose 100 pounds. I look forward to trying some of your recipes as I love to cook as well, and reading your encouraging words as I battle the weight! Thanks for sharing your story!!
Thank you for sharing your path of weight loss. I too lost over 100 lbs on Weight Watchers. I have 20 more to go. Lots of ups and downs but I wouldn’t trade it for anything
I love your blog!
I started at 285 June 1,2011. Today 221.
way to go!
Wow- I am so happy for you! I know for me its easy to say well my parents and grandparents are big people so its just expected that I will be to but at 28 and weighting 225 I am already feeling the aches and pains of being over weight and after reading your story it really makes me want to get motivated to lose weight. Thank you for sharing your story. Def has motived me to take action!
That was a really incredible story. I completely admire your strength in overcoming the obstacles in your life and commend you for where you have gotten yourself today. You are a true inspiration for what the human spirit is capable of.
Wow! Thanks for sharing! Such a great story
What an inspiring story. Thank you for sharing.
Wow your story is amazing
Truly inspiring.
Your story is inspiring and I am really enjoying getting your blogs. The recipes look easy and fresh. I love that you get excited about food. I feel the same way. congrats on your success.
What a great story! I’m glad you got healthier and learned how to maintain. The journey definitely doesn’t end once you get to your goal weight. I’m off to read your latest posts
wow, what a great story! you did it all the healthy way too – proper diet and exercise. you should be really proud of yourself girl.
ps. your blog is awesome. i love all the fresh salads you rock everyday!
This is beautiful and so are you! Everybody needs to hear stories like this including me. I’m so glad I found your site.
I have been away from your blog way too long. Maintaining – to me – seems more difficult than losing. I don’t know why. I love your new profile pic!
I found your blog through Cindy at Sparkle a Day. Your story is a bit similar to mine. Heartbreak, fear and insecurity -> pounds. I’ve gotten up to 235 and I had that same feeling that if I didn’t do something NOW I could end up to be 400 in a blink of an eye. I haven’t had as much success with maintenance, so I’m trying to get down from 185 now. I look forward to reading through your blog.
Thank you for commenting. It’s a hard journey. I believe you can do it, though. If you ever have any questions, I’m here. Thanks for reading. I can’t wait to check out your blog!
I found your blog in a roundabout way via NotMartha.org linking to your post about food in Iceland. It makes me want to go there again and get one of those hot dogs! Really enjoying your posts and the honesty on this page make me teary… looking forward to reading more
Shauna, thank you so much. Your support and kindness really made me smile this morning. I can’t wait to check out your blog!
Your story brought tears to my eyes! I am soooo happy for you that you were able to conquer the pain and get healthy.
And it was so nice meeting you this weekend! I can’t wait to keep up
Aahhh Jen! You were seriously such a delight to meet and chat with at the conference. Thank you so much for the kind comment, it really really made me feel good. Let’s definitely keep in touch!
I am so happy to have met you this weekend. Your blog is awesome, and I only wish I had read before now!
Wow, Heather. You are such an enormous inspiration, so this really means a lot to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am so glad we’ve actually met, so that now when I watch each and every video of you and Mark, it’s not quite so odd. Actually it might still be odd…
I thought I had already commented, but I guess not!
at any rate, your story is so incredible – it honestly made me a little emotional. I’m struggling with my own weight loss attempts right now, but please know that I find you incredibly inspirational and I can’t wait to read more!
xo,
andi
Thank you, Andi. You can do this, you really can. Your kindness means a great deal to me, and I’m so lucky that you’re reading- even though I’m stark raving mad
When I saw you at HLS, I really thought you had always looked like they way you do now. Thank you so much for sharing your story on here.
This…. “Can you do it today, Andrea? Just today?” And I could. That question made each day manageable…. makes me feel like I can do this too.
Thank you!
Thank you so much! You are so inspiring. I am new to reading your website and I love it! I can’t wait to try out some of your recipes.
Thanks so much for reading Natalie! It really means the world to me.
Hi I am not even sure how I found your site but I did and am enjoying it thoroughly. Just looking at all the great looking food is adding pounds! How do you do it?
Now I have to beg and plead with you to please post some before photos. The thing is, I currently weight 270lbs, and I don’t have the benefit of your height
Before pics help me believe it is possible. I look at you and would never in a million years believe you were ever overweight. You look naturally thin, one of those lil hard bodied chicks you want to bump into and knock down just for being so damn tiny!
Congratulations on all your hard work paying off – but please post some before pics
Did you use any particular method? Such as weight watchers, calorie counting..or did you use intuitive eating like you had mentioned before?
Thanks!
Hey Danielle, I did Weight Watchers for about 6 months out of my 13 month weight loss. I’m going to put together a collection of the posts I’ve written about weight loss, maintenance, etc on my side bar.
I NEEDED to read your post today! I hope that my journey has the same happy ending as yours!
Thanks Jen! Believe you can do it, because honestly you can. Just get through this one day, and deal with tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Stay present. Best of luck and thank you thank you thank you for reading.
[...] I tried not to dissect our conversation. I realized two minutes into it that I’d probably have a much different story spread across two pages of a magazine if I’d had my way. Then again, if I had my way Cadbury [...]
Read your story in W.W. Thought I would check it out and see what else was here. I read your Journey and it made me cry…It is my story My dad drank and parents fighting. Mom left several ties but always came back because of the kids. When I was 13 he had a stroke. He was my world I followed him every where. He did not pass he was parilized for 12 years. I tried to help him one day I got tired of him feeling sorry for himself and I yelled at him and the next morning he was gone. I never got to say I was sorry for the way I treatd him that day. I struggle with food for comfort. When my sister in law yelled at my father in law I would tell her my story and how lucky she was to have the time to make things right with her dad I didn’t get the chance with mine.
Thank you
Oh Ellen, your story does sound a lot like mine. I’m so sorry to hear of all the pain you’ve been through; that must have been so very hard. Thank you for sharing it with me, and thank you for reading. I’m lucky to have you here. All the best, Andrea
You have motivated me to keep going. It is a struggle daily…when I fall, I pick myself up again. If I don’t try, I won’t ever get to my goal. I have lost 55 or my 100 pounds. It seems impossible but I am close than before and I FEEL so much better. Thanks for this website and the great recipes.
Wow, Robin! You are well on your way! Halfway there!! You can do it! I believe you can. Thank you for your kindness and thank you for sharing your journey. I wish you the best!
Andrea! You have always been beautiful (even when we were in 5th grade playing Mall Madness – that post totally brought back memories). I love food blogs and I cannot wait to keep up with yours and try some of your recipes! My sister and i will be following you from across the country! Keep up the inspiration!
Kerri MacNeill
Ahhhhh!! Kerri!!!! So great to hear from you! How is life treating you these days? Thank you a million times over for your kind comment. Let’s keep in touch!
I saw your article in Woman’s World today. I am so glad that I bought that issue because you are such an inspiration!!!!! I love your site and the pics look AWESOME!!!! I have put on 100lbs in the last 10 yrs and wonder how did this all happen? I know it’s my love for junk processed and eating out food! I have decided as of a few days that I needed to get this under control and coming across your article is definately a step in the right direction! I already saved this site under my “Favs” and will check on a daily basis~!
Thank you so much for taking the time to blog and all the great receipes!
Hi Angela! Thank you a million times over for your comment- it made me smile! I love to share my life and my ideas about weight, food, emotional eating, and…well just everything. I’m so happy to hear that you’ve found inspiration, because truly you can do this. I wish you nothing but the best and hope you’ll pop in and say hello every now and again! Thanks again! -Andrea
I don’t have quite as much weight to lose as you did but this is my goal too… Eventually I would love to weight about 135 myself. For me an unheard of number as I was also one that basically gained steadily (losing 5-3- pounds here and there but always gaining it back plus some) for my whole life till now. So far I have lost 30 pounds from my all time high of 235 but I still have about 70 pounds to lose… And I have been stalled at around 205 for a year now so I am trying to find a way to get back in gear! Thank you so much for your motivational story! Your journey sounds harder than mine could ever be so I know if you could do it than so can I!
Thank you for your comment and for sharing your story! I believe you can do this. I wish you all the best!!
[...] blog is that she has a very poignant section describing who she is, her relationship to food, and her journey of losing the weight and how it was only when she was in the maintenance phase that she realized food was never her [...]
Very encouraging story, thank you for sharing. I have also been over weight as far as I can remember. Touched 198 pounds this year and that scared me! Started dieting 2 months back and now I am at 183 pounds, only 50 more to go!! I just want be able to cross my legs by this time next year..:)
Thank you so much for your message! You can absolutely achieve this. I know the fear and anxiety that comes when you’re just starting out, but just know that it’s only a matter of time before it feels easier. It sounds like you’re well on your way! I wish you the best!
I, too, read your article in Women’s World. I thought “Finally a diet where I really like everything, and I can do that.” It’s early in the process–7.6 lbs this first week (and not quite a mile walking with our two dogs), but I think today I can do this. My mantra is “Metaformin” because that’s what the doctor wants to put me on. If I’m looking to do something I shouldn’t, or not doing something I should, my mantra comes out. I do not want to go on a diabetic medication and will do all that I can to avoid it. Thank you for your wonderful story and keep those recipes coming.
I am a mother of three and Grandmother of five. I have lost my weight three times only to gain it back. Well, here I am again, right back at square one. 60 lbs to lose again.
I read with great interest your story and your thoughts. I always starved myself until I lost the weight. I would lower my calorie intake to as low as 800 a day…maybe that is why I gained it back.
You have given this Grandmother a glimmer of hope once again. Your common sense approach works well with me. I will be able to cook for my grandchildren but this time I’ll be able to actually eat it also! Thank you for allowing all of us to take a peek into your life. Your humor helps me more than you will ever know. Have a great day young lady!
Cynthia- what an absolutely lovely comment. I’m so happy that you’ve found inspiration and I’m touched that you’ve found some of that here. I know you’ll do it this time, and keep it off. You’ve really made my night with your kindness. Thank you thank you thank you.
Hi Andrea,
You story is very insprirational. i am at my heaviest 260. and i have tried every diet out there. knowing someone out there has gone through what i am going through is a relief as i know if you can do i also can do it and if i get discouraged i know i can come back t your blog and find more inpsiration to keep going. Thank You for sharing and for the recipes which will help alot.
Thank You so much
Tanya
Hi Tanya!
Thank you so much! I’m wishing you nothing but good things on your journey- you can do it!!
Oh Andrea!
How far you have come! How beautiful and inspiring! I admire you so VERY much…beyond words! Congratulations on losing the weight first of all, and second of all for keeping it off! My friend gave me a magazine with your story in it with some recipes (womans day I believe) and I started crying. She thought she did something wrong, but when I told her why and showed her the page she understood.
That hit me hard. Very hard. I have 3 children, but I don’t blame that on my weight gain..I blame my addiction to food when I get depressed, or over come with anxiety.
I weigh 257. I have always been big, but never seen myself obese until this year when I couldn’t fit in a chair at the doctors office.
I just want to THANK YOU for inspiring me. You are in front of my computer as I write in my food journal. You are giving me that “hope” I lost long ago. God bless you and keep smiling!
Crystal
I just stumbled across your blog. Your story is so inspiring. I’m excited to follow along.
[...] The Journey [...]
Wow…I just came across your blog from foodgawker…and have only twice commented on a blog (one for butternut squash!). And this is truly an amazing blog…you write so well and thoughtfully. Thank you for sharing your life :*)
Wow…your story is really incredible. It is so kind of you to share your story so honestly with the rest of us. I was overweight for much of my childhood, and gained a ton of weight after my parents got divorced in middle school. What’s funny is I remember telling all my friends that it didn’t affect me at all and the divorce wasn’t a big deal. Well…40 pounds later…obviously not okay. Cheers to cooking from scratch!!! And to healthy, happy living =)
Thanks for commenting on my blog
So glad to have found your blog and your journey!
Hi Andrea (: I love reading your blog, and you seamlessly weave your stories into your recipes. I’m just curious (and mean this as no disrespect) but is there a reason you didn’t post a “before” picture? So many of the bloggers do, and I recognize it’s to each his own, but I guess I’m more curious as to why you chose not to.
your story is truly inspirational!! I too have always been on the chunkier side. I’ve been trying to reach my goal weight for about a year now, and really needed to hear your story as a pick-me-up! It really is about portion sizes! Thanks soooo much! <3
Hey! I just found your blog this morning and have spent the better part of my workday reading posts and printing off recipes! Can’t wait to read more! So happy I found you…I love it!
Thank you Hollie!! Nice to meet you too
Andrea,
Thank you for sharing your journey, it is an inspiring story and I appreciate your honesty. Your recipes look delicious and I can’t wait to try them!
Thank you, Andrea, for sharing your story. I first saw you in the October issue of Woman’s World, I think you are an answer to my prayer! I can’t wait to try your recipes. Thank you again.
And here I thought 15 lbs was a big deal.
I love your blog – your blog is what my blog wants to be when it grows up.
I love your food – it’s clean and perfect and the pictures you take of it make everything look wonderful.
I think it’s amazing that the comments on this post alone span over a year.
Congratulations on winning at life, and the internet. What you do with your winnings is up to you, and I’m sure you’ll choose wisely.
Your story is so inspiring and so real. I just found your blog and I love it already. Keep it up & thanks!
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m in the same predicament as you were in. I just finished my junior year of college. I have always be a “curvy” girl, but I had always thought I would never be over 200lbs.
My step-mom was 5’0″, 90lbs, aerobic instructor when I was a kid. She put me in sports and fed me well, but I was constantly told I was too heavy. Its didn’t help that though my Dad was a big man himself, he was attracted to petite, thin women and therefore set the tone of how I would perceive beauty myself for many years. In high school, when I had to get a new military ID card, I lied about my weight: I told the man 170lbs instead of 190lbs. My parents berated me for my weight in front of servicemen and women that where in the office. They weren’t berating me about lying though; they flipped out that I weighted 170lbs.
Still, I was never worried about my weight when it wasn’t a subject. I was a very outgoing kid and did a lot of theatre in high school. I was also lucky and had wonderful boyfriend who loved my body I had, even after I gained 30lbs in the past 4 years(we are still together). He has never once not liked something about my body and only supports my weight loss because he wants me to be happy with me.
I went on living that same when I went to college. I have always loved food, but I was a fairly active person. I always thought I would burn off my calories in the end.Then, last december, I jumped on a scale and found I weighted 220.
So, I made a new years resolution and have been sticking too it. I’ve lost 14lbs so far. Its so discouraging that I have only lost that much in 18 weeks. I hit a plateu at 10lbs that lasted a good 4-5 weeks and it made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough. Its so hard, as you know, being a college student trying to lose weight. My food budget is a struggle.
But my goal weight loss is 50lbs by then end of 2011, so if you think about it right, I’ve lost 28% towards my goal. And that helps me push on. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you don’t mind that I have shared mine with you. This is the first time I have ever fully shared mine. No one by my boyfriend and the readers here know my real weight.
Thank you again,
Carol
Hi! Your story is really incredible. I am glad I got to see your post in http://www.lifeofsomethingnew.com. I like how you are honest and simple with your writing. I love food. And I consider weight loss now and then. I wish I could follow your post through blogger. Is it possible? I mean along with emails?
I am so so so glad i stumbled upon your blog…i lost 50 lbs a few years ago and put it all back on… i see that number looking up at me from the scale and go, “i don’t even know how to start” but i love your idea of “can i do it today” it makes it much less intimidating…
might be just what i needed to hear…
[...] and fitness stories inspire me to no [...]
You are inspiring. Really
thanks so much for sharing with such honesty and compassion! my dad was also an alcoholic for a period of my youth and it has a tremendous impact on me which is hard to process. you have a great talent with your writing…hope you continue to share your gift
You are a brave and beautiful women. Love your blog and tweets. Hope the rest of your life is a fairy
tale for you.
I have to confess this is the first time I have ever been on your blog… I was intrigued by your s’mores pancakes on foodgawker
but I am so glad that I decided to read your story, because mine is much the same. I was around the same age when I made the decision that changed my life, at the time I weighed 321 pounds, and I am very proud to say that as of today I weigh 165. Like you, I have always been big as a child, a teen, and in my very early twenties. Now I feel like I get to start my life over again and be the person that I have always wanted to be. Congratulations for how far you have come, trust me when I say I know what you have been through, and I’m so proud of you!!! 
I was stumbling along, just looking for something amusing to pass the time with, and wouldn’t you know it – I found inspiration instead.
My father was an abusive drunk that I’ll admit I have no fond memories of, and my mother hated her children and her life and became an alcoholic after we left dad. I filled every void in my life with food and have continued to do so up until now. I am now 27 years old, 220 lbs, and feeling like I’ll never be able to lose the weight or fill the void.
I can say with all sincerity, that this has been the most fortunate stumble for me. I think sometimes StumbleUpon knows exactly what we need, precisely when we need it – much like Hogwarts lol Thank you for your blog…it was precisely the kick I needed today.
Good to read your story. I totally understand your situation, having reached my goal weight with Weightwatchers on Christmas Eve last year! now the long, never ending battle to keep the weight off. I’ve found that allowing myself to go a few pounds over and then cutting right back for a few days works so far, and also throwing out any “larger clothes” so I have nothing to wear if I do start to put it back on! Thanks for an inspiring read.
Love from West Wales in the U.K.! x
Wow! You are such an inspiration.
Thank you for sharing. Your story is very moving and you gave me some strength to make a change in my life. To let go of the hurt and pain. Thank you
Amazing story. You are such a talented writer!! I await your book.
I came across your blog via Pinterest–I used (and credited) a photo of your chicken soup recipe on my blog, Tomfoolery & Bright (I hope you don’t mind!).
And can I just say, you look amazing! You should be so proud of yourself and your story–more importantly, being able to share your storey. So many people (sooo many) have an unhealthy relationship with food and won’t admit to it. You did, and you changed for the better–I think I may share your story/blog on my site, if you don’t mind. Keep up the great work–love your recipes!
I’m not entirely sure where to put this, and I don’t want to bug you via email, so I thought I’d stick this here and hope you see it. I absolutely adore your blog. You are such an inspiration, and your outlook on life is as sweet as your banana oatmeal-marshmallow fluff recipe. I haven’t been able to find your Woman’s World article, but I’m sure it was an incredibly uplifting read.
Keep up the great work!
Reading this made me cry. I need to lose about 60 pounds to be in a healthy weight and it’s so discouraging. I’ve been through some pretty rough patches too, but nothing like yours. Reading this I think has helped me find the courage to get this weight off. If you can lose 135 pounds, I can lose 60.
I’m so glad I found your blog because I love reading your stories. I’m so sorry what you had to go through. I absolutely hate when people make fun of others for being overweight because I know that there is definitely soe underlying cause, mainly depression or issues going on. It’s so easy to use food as comfort. Thanks so much for sharing your story.
Thanks so much for this! It’s funny how google obviously know’s how to send inspiration my way. I joined Weight Watchers this week (For the like… 5th time), but this time i have invested in it and i am on track!
Thanks for showing me it works!! I feel so much better!
I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to find you. Your story, life, and dreams are an incredible inspiration to me and (as an extension of myself) my blog.
I just discovered your blog this morning. I am completely amazed by your journey, and your strength and determination. As of today, I have lost 40 lbs, but am still a ways from my goal. I am so glad I found you. When I came to your words “My journey to that point was all at once the most agonizing and gratifying experience of my life” I literally broke down to tears. In that second I imagined what it will be like when I reach my milestone, and all the joy and fear that might come with it. I just wanted to thank you for being so honest and open.
oxox
Jennifer
Your blog is SO inspiring! I love it. I have never been ‘over weight’ but I have been (but still working on it!!) skinny girl fat. I know that eating clean is 80% of the weight you lose… But I slip up, a lot. Your blog is really encouraging to keep on going even when you make a mistake.
Thank you! xo
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’ve lost 80 pounds but the last few months have been a struggle. I seem to self sabotage whenever I’m getting close to goal. Reading your story has given me new motivation to keep going. Thanks!!
I cried when I read this, then I got up, changed into the only pair of running shorts and shoes that I had, and ran, I ran until I felt like I couldnt run anymore. And tomorrow, I will do it again. I will keep doing this until I lose 85 lbs. And when I do, I will come back here, and thank you again, for ehelping me to see what I need to do, and why.
Thank you for making me start.
very inspiring! and it’s nice to see that you still enjoy food so much but in a better way.
I just discovered your site through Pinterest. I’m subscribing now.
“Can you do it today, Arline? Just today?” I think that’s the beginning of a new thought pattern for me. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m twice your age but you have such great insight which we can all learn from. Hugs to you.
i found your blog through pinterest. Thank you for sharing your story – I thought it was absolutely beautiful. You give me courage and hope!
I just came across your blog from looking at Pinterest. You sound exactally like me. Even your writing style. But what really sounds like me, is about your dad. My dad passed away three years ago. He was an alcoholic, and died because he drank himself to death. After he died, I became anorexic. I always struggled with weight, but I started using that as a control factor in my life. I was 145 lbs, and at my lowest I was 105 lbs. Within the past 2 years I gained about 30 pounds back, and recently have been engorging myself with food. I want to stop using food as a way to hide from the pain of my past. You inspire me to live my life, and not let food live my life. I see that food will not solve my problems, and only I can do is face them..and move on. Thank you!
First of all…I don’t read blogs. Ever. I stumbled upon this on Pinterest this morning and I’ve been reading it all day…and sobbing. It’s mostly happy sobbing. You’re an amazing writer and your journey is fantastic. I started trying to lose weight for the first time in my life starting this August. I’ve lost almost 15 lbs…but it’s been miserable. I love pizza and I love Mexican food and I hate exercise, so I’m in a bad mood more often than not. Your attitude is beautiful though and it makes me want to find a balance between losing weight, being healthy and enjoying life. I’m so glad I read this.
Hey Joanne,I cechked out your blog before, but never saw the info section. I think I was too busy looking at your recipes. I thought 15 spatulas was the cite name, not a name that you created. I love it! I would like to have claim to being your number two fan, I will let Peter be number one. I will be trying the pralines soooooon! I wetn to make my puff pastry things for Thanksgiving and I don’t know how, but it was gone. Where could it be? Love you much,Karen
I have to say, I can relate whole-heartedly with your story. Thank you so much for your honesty, it truly is a struggle even when you are proud of your accomplishments you still have to grow accustomed to a new body! I love that you enjoyed each part of yourself, that is such an important part of life!
My biggest was 235 but I am nearly 5″2′ so that is a LOT of excess. As of today I’m down to 186. I celebrate that and the inches I’ve lost but I am most happy with the energy I have and how powerful I feel after exercising. I don’t run (I had knee surgery 2 years ago and my knee is still very sensitive to impact) but I do a lot of home exercises (Turbo Jam, P90X, and other such workouts) and it has completely revved up my energy level. I’m literally watching by body tone up and it’s fantastic. My goal is to be healthy. Feel healthy, be strong enough to be able to outrun something if I need to, be strong enough and limber enough to keep up with my nephews and nieces. In the process if I look better then that’s some icing on already fabulous cake.
Thank you for your wise perspective on healthy bodies and loving ourselves and our lives each step of the way!
A friend of mine sent me the link to your exercise story this afternoon and I basically just read your entire website. I am almost exactly where you were at at the beginning of your journey. Almost three months ago to the day I finally woke up. I was nearing my 30th birthday, but more important, I was nearing 400lbs on the scale. To put it mildly, I freaked out.
A few years earlier I had Lap-Band surgery, where I lost 50lbs, but I have since regained the weight and more. I have figured out that I wasn’t ready to make the necessary changes and I wasn’t really doing it for me. I have started making better choices with what I eat, trying to alter the different recipes that I make (I also find my life in the kitchen), and work out with a trainer 2 days a week, plus on my own 4 other days (I know, I’m crazy, but that’s what I need to do for me).
Hopefully this week I’ll hit the 50lb mark, but I still have a long way to go.
Your “What I Miss From 135lbs Ago” brought me to tears. That is where I’ve been for 25+ years. I’ve started making my list of what I don’t miss, and I can’t wait to add things to it. Thank you for putting in words the things that I find most hardest to do.
Wow – your story really speaks to me. While never overweight growing up, I had my first/only baby at age 28 and lost my mom to cancer 3 months later. Devastating. Then my father began a downward spiral into alcoholism, landing him in the hospital several times. I packed on 45lbs (55 more than my pre-pregnancy weight). The worst was my dad, while drunk, offering to send me to a “Fat Farm”.
I joined WW a year ago and lost 20lbs but have gained 10 back. I know the feeling of indescribable loss, lacking support, and using food as a crutch.
I’m working on it every day and it’s so nice to hear that someone out there KNOWS what it feels like to lose a parent and feel there is no where else to turn but the fridge.
Thanks to you.
I seriously needed this. Your stories, your journey are amazing. I am a sophomore at college who is struggling to lose weight, be happy, and keep it off. I lost around 40 pounds before coming to college but gained the freshman 20. And, I so love that you mentioned your times in college because it is so, so true. The late night drive throughs with friends and girl’s night with wine. It’s part of the college lifestyle and I am so happy to hear that losing weight (slowly and not with some crazy crash diet) is do-able. I can have fun with my friends and enjoy my short time at college as long as I’m mindful.
Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that each and every word you write hits home with someone out there reading your blog. Thanks so much.
Andie-
I can’t tell you how many time I return to your blog for motivation when I’m down about my weight struggles! I’m 23 and I’ve always been big too. It’s sad to think that at every weight I’ve been…it’s always been my ‘heaviest’ because I continually keep gaining over the years. I’m now at 230 lbs and I’m finally ready to commit to this change.
Thank you for writing a blog that is gentle to your ‘bigger’ self. It’s a nice change from the weight loss blogs that make the bigger version of yourself seem like the enemy. You are truly inspiring. Can’t wait to buy your book when it comes out!
Also, I make the sesame ginger stir fry at least once a week. My fave!
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Wonderful site. Lots of useful information here. I am sending it to a few buddies ans also sharing in delicious. And of course, thanks for your effort!
thank you for sharing this! such an inspiring story!
Your story struck many chords. Thanks so much for sharing. I began my wieght loss in Feb 2011 at my all time high of 275 pounds. I am now at 210 pounds and still have a long way to go. You just reminded me to take one day at a time. Thanks so much!
I am just starting on a journey like yours after a very similar and sobering experience. I stepped on the scale to 296 at the age of 29 and wept. It was the highest my weight had ever been. That was a few months ago, and I have now hit 30 and a weight of 276. 20 lbs. lighter, but still nowhere near my goal…but I’m pushing on. What I want most in life is children, and I have struggled with infertility for 5 years. After fertility treatments added about 50 lbs. to an already unhealthy weight, I am finally saying to myself…enough. I need to be healthy before I even consider a baby. I may even get pregnant on my own if I can lose the weight. It’s a tough mind game to play with yourself. The guilt, the shame, the fear…and you really stopped me in my tracks when you said “Can you do it today?” Because you’re right…if nothing else, I CAN do it today
Thank you so much for the inspiration that I have found here. You have put me on the right track.
I just want to let you know that your story is remarkable and inspiring. I feel like I am in the exact same place and I almost don’t even know where to start. And like you said, the weight gain didn’t come just from eating bad food, etc, it comes from a deeper place. I think it’s about time I found that deeper place and got down to the root of the issue. Thank you for sharing your story. It truly has implanted something in me, and now is the time for change. Again, thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I, too, have that much to lose. With the added challenge of my health issue of fibromyalgia, I need to live one day at a time. I just need to move every day, and try to not have sugar. It’s hard. It’s necessary. I will do it.
I want to let you know that YOU are my new inspiration. I will lose the weight for myself, but hearing that you started out at the exact weight I am now is something I can hold on to and say “she did it.” THANK YOU! Thank you for sharing your story. It has helped me to realize just how much my desire of acceptance has pushed me towards food. I too have had some hard times and tragedies and have sought companionship and comfort in the food that I eat. But food doesn’t have the capability to reassure me, or keep me warm at night. Thank you again. You have helped me more than you will ever know.
What a brave and honest introduction. I eat when I am sad, eat when I am happy and eat when I am bored. Everyday I get up thinking that I will go back to the once super healthy diet that I used to have, every day I fail. Just a little chocolate here or a snack there will surely be OK. Last week I got on the scales at my mums house and realised that I had gained 28lbs over the last 18 months. It may not sound a lot but I feel unhealthy and I am sluggish. I cannot give up food. I love it. I blog about it!. But I need to cut back on the butter, the sweets and alter my portions. I will, tomorrow.
I think the main thing this site brings to me is the feeling of not being alone. I keep restarting this journey over and over feeling like its hopeless but I am slowly learning that there are alot of resources
Thank you for that
I. Love. You. When will your books be published?! I feel like in twenty years when you’re name is as big as a water tower in a small town I can say, I read that girls blog before she blew the roof all.up.off.this.
You are so wonderful! My first book (a weight loss memoir) will be out in Spring 2013!! Thank you endlessly
[...] The Journey to Lose 135lbs [...]
Love your blog…both your recipes and your personal insights on weight loss. I have a story similar to yours…still on my journey, but slowly making it to my goal. I wish you continued luck in life!
-Miranda
Wow. You are such an incredible writer.
“But then I asked myself, “Can you do it today, Andrea? Just today?” And I could. That question made each day manageable.”
THAT, just changed my life.
I agree, that part made me smile inside and out.
I can relate to most of your story. I’m only 21 at the moment, so I still have a lot of learning to do, but hopefully one day I will be as successful as you.
Loving your site! <3
So glad to have found your blog. Your weight loss is fantastic and such an inspiration. I am realizing that the death of my mom at a young age may be my reason for my food addiction. I will be following your blog closely!
“Oh my God, I can’t eat another egg white omelet for breakfast and not have a Reese’s McFlurry ever again.” But then I asked myself, “Can you do it today, Andrea? Just today?”
Wow that was eye opening for me because I think how am I going to live without all the junk food I love….now I know. Take it one day at a time….it’s so simple but I have never thought of it like that. Thanks for sharing your story. You have inspired me=)
With the exeception of the alcoholic father, your story is mine! I have been overweight since I was about 8. How I dealt with food is exactly how you did and I can relate to every single word in your intro. I also joined Weight Watchers and I workout 4-6x/wk and so far I’m down 55 lbs. I’m averaging just under a pound a week and it’s slow going. But I also know that I am not meant to be in this body any more so I have NO doubt that I’ll get to goal. I am making REAL changes in my life that will ensure I get there! In the end, I too will have lost about 130-140 lbs (depending on where I stop). I LOVE your blog and your story because it just proves that people can lose weight the healthy way, without surgery. Thanks for what you do and congratulations on your loss!
i’m sure you’ve heard this a million times before, but this is so beautiful! you are a beautiful person inside and out, with and without the 135 pounds! and you are dangerous with words (and recipes for homemade tater tots). you should be proud of yourself for all you have accomplished, all you have accepted, and all that you are. congratulations!
You’re amazing! An inspiration to everyone who is struggling with weight issues! Thanks for sharing your story!
Wow! I could have written almost every word of this (except the alcoholic father). I was 420lbs at my heaviest. Now I’m down to 275. As I look at this last hundred pounds I need to lose, I feel exactly like your last paragraph. Add in the numerous “You’re an inspiration to me” and “You are incredible!” comments I get a day and I’m actually scared. What if I CAN’T learn to maintain this? What if I ultimately fail?
I want to thank you for sharing your story. It has been such a motivation for me to see someone who has actually lost weight and has been able to keep it off!!! Thanks so much!
So glad I came across your blog from pinterest. You are absolutely beautiful! Thanks for sharing your story. You are an inspiration!
wow what a great feeling your blog gave me after feeling so alone in the world.. i’ve always been the heaviest person i know and i’ve recently started to rethink my life and started dieting and exercising going from 246 to 235 now i know i still have a long way to go to get to my goal of 140. Almost everything you said i can relate to and just a few entries of your blog have already lifted my spirits more than anyone i know could.. your little “can i do it today?” i swear has changed how i look at life thank you very much and congratulations on your success now i so looking forward to being someone’s inspiration <3