Visiting A Nutritionist
I remember when I first went to see a nutritionist after having lost the big 135lbs. I was seeking support for the next phase of my journey: maintenance.
At that point in my life I felt sort of like I had trekked to the summit of Everest but had no knowledge of how to descend the mountain and return to life on the land. It was frightening to think that after all of the work I put into shedding half of myself, I might not be able to stay there for long.
After all, I had heard over and over, “Losing it is easy, keeping it off is the hard part.” Well, I agree to a large extent, but I also feel like that notion undermines the greatness of the impetus to change as well as the journey itself. But that’s another can of worms to open. I just remember feeling afraid. I didn’t want to live the rest of my life on a diet.
So my first visit was an attempt to learn the meaning of the word “balance.” To learn to stop losing and start living in my current weight. The most interesting thing she said to me was “Many people can think of at least one time in their lives when they felt at ease with food, or at least that they had an appropriate relationship with it. They probably didn’t have to think too hard about what they’d eat and how it would fuel them, they just had a trust in themselves and their hunger/fullness cues. Children are excellent examples of having a natural food intuition. They eat when they are hungry and generally stop when they are full. But you have never had what one can consider a “normal” relationship with food. For you, it seems the earliest memories still involve overeating or eating for some other reason than hunger. So then I cannot tell you to return to a place of trust with food, a state of normal eating. You have to learn that now at 21.” What a fascinating and excellent point she made. I had a lot to learn about myself.
With her help I was able to learn to trust myself. I realized that in order to live a fulfilling life in all aspects, food had to be a friend, not an enemy. When I first admitted to myself that food had been my love affair/dependency for the majority of my life, I was angry. I felt that I had to get away from it, to not let it be the focus of my mind. But as I’ve heard someone say before, “Food addiction isn’t like addiction to alcohol or drugs where you can just remove it from your life. With food, you need it to live. You have to have it everyday.” This statement only brings to light the fact that the only way through food addiction is by making peace with it. Food is just food. Chocolate cake isn’t “bad,” carrots aren’t “good,” and Bavarian cream donuts didn’t make me morbidly obese. I was the one who abused the food and gave it character. So I learned to view food as a neutral entity, not positive or negative. And my eating Bavarian cream donuts, similarly, was not positive or negative. (Though I’d dare to say it was one hell of a positive). By shifting the emphasis from my emotional bondage with food to a focus on building a new and healthy relationship with it, I was able to start over. I regained an understanding that eating, while enjoyable, was not the end all be all to my happiness. Social gatherings involving food had less to do with the buffet and more to do with the social part. Vacations were times to enjoy new environments, make memories with people I love, and yes, to taste fun and new cuisine. I rediscovered the other parts of my life that had been overshadowed by the menu.
But what I truly understood in rebuilding this relationship with food in a peaceful way was that I didn’t miss the food, I missed the amount. My nutritionist at the time encouraged me to bring the foods that I used to enjoy before losing weight back into my life. My old friends. While losing, I didn’t eat many cupcakes or candy bars, foods that I love. I was so set on my goal that I had avoided them. I began eating a cupcake a day. And after I had tried all the delicious varieties known to man (or bakeries), I began eating candy bars. Snickers (which surprisingly does satisfy), Reese’s, Milky Way, Butterfinger, and Kit Kat. Dear friends of mine. When those got old (c’mon they never got old), I switched to donuts. But soon enough, I realized Dunkin Donuts doesn’t carry Vanilla Kreme Filled in all of their locations, so with a sad heart I abandoned the donut phase. The point of this daily dessert was proving to myself that I wasn’t a monster around food. I would not eat with abandon anymore. I could have the foods I loved and not abuse them, and I didn’t have to live a life without them. And after a while of this healthy reintroduction to food, I felt safer about how I used it to nourish me. I still loved food but now I respected it. I respected myself. I discovered new foods and a whole world of nutrition, cooking, and enjoyment. New fruits and vegetables, eating a rainbow, the beauty of food presentation, books filled with recipes for nutritious, flavorful food. It was an exhilarating time.
I came to realize that in dieting, I thought I missed the foods themselves, when in reality I missed the quantity. I missed the abundance and the overeating. That’s when I knew I was using food to fill a void. I didn’t just want the taste of a warm brownie sundae, I wanted it to make me so full that I became numb and couldn’t think about anything but my distressed belly. I suppose whatever emotion I was feeling inside I wanted to stuff away. And truth be told, I never once felt any better in doing this. One hour later, the emotion was still there and food had not cured it. In learning that I missed the “over” part of overeating, I felt sort of free. It’s impossible to ignore the emotions when you don’t numb them anymore with massive quantities of food. Instead, I sat with the emotion. I let it be. That’s where the healing starts.
I dont have some insightful comment, but I loved reading this. THanks for taking the time to write it out.
This is really interesting. I’ve been curious to meet with a nutritionist and your thoughts were really insightful.
I know we talked about this at HLS, but it’s just so beautifully put! You have a fantastic outlook towards food.
Amazing, moving post! Thanks for sharing@
This is a great post, and I can relate to some of your comments about trying to fill a void with food. On days when I’m lonely or unhappy, I am much more likely to overindulge than on a day that’s busy and full of fun!
Love your insight! Thanks!
It must be so gratifying to reflect on your “food journey”, which turned into more than just your weight loss. Thank you for sharing this.
I think just going to a nutritionist versus trying to figure it out on your own must have been a big step. And you’re so right: We can enjoy all foods, but that doesn’t mean we should eat them nonstop. It’s a hard balance to find, but you manage it so well.
I love this post but I still struggle in this department majorly even though I’m very close my goal. I think maybe I should see a nutritionist because even though I try not to I still go back to thinking of things as good or bad, and I don’t really know if I trust myself with food yet!
I felt the truth of this post… beautifully written, lovingly shared. thank you.
Thank you so much, Divina! I appreciate it.
Thank you for this! I just discovered you as a contestant for the Next Foof Blog Star. I voted for you btw!
I never in a million years would have guessed you lost 135 lbs from your picture. You just look like you’ve always looked that way. But bravo to you. I hope to be saying that someday, I’m about 115 lbs from that goal… I haven’t gone through your entire blog yet to see if you have more tips or inspiring thoughts about the weight loss process, but if you have anything, I’d love to hear it. Just this blog post alone has been an inspiration and I can’t wait to reads more, even if it is about the philosophy of muffins or the geneology of pickles!
Niki, thank you so much. Believe in yourself, you really can do it. I appreciate you reading, so so very much.
Came across your blog on Project Food Blog. What an inspiring story! I recently lost 25 pounds (still about 10 to go)… nothing compared to the goal you achieved, but it was really difficult for me. Thanks for the encouraging words
Thank you Kristina! Congratulations to you for losing weight, too! It is hard, but the good news is that it’s possible and that it does get easier. Thanks for reading.
Could you tell me what HLS is. I have been reading these posts and people say when I was at HLS. I love this site, I just read the article in Woman’s World and when I was done I came directly to Can You Stay for Dinner. Thank you for all your hard work and Inspiration.
Patty
Hi Patty! HLS stands for Healthy Living Summit- a blogger conference focused on healthy living that was held at the beginning of August this year in Chicago (bloggers and readers were in attendence). It was the second conference put on by the same great group of bloggers. About 200 people were there, I believe. Thanks for reading!!
Your enietrs over the last three weeks have been outstanding. I consider something in a blog to be outstanding when what I read is so compelling that I keep running it through my mind. Keep "throwing strikes".
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts from beginning to . . . eternity. You really helped make sense of all the emotions a person faces when when they achieve their weight goal. Thank-you!
Thank you Tim! It was such a wide range of emotions that I faced when I first lost it- mostly fear. I just want to be honest with people, because I think everyone has heard all about the greatness of being at a healthy weight, finally being thin. But I want to share that there are other parts too. Thank you again for your comment!
I have been on many diets and would like to learn a lifestyle of eating and stop the yoyo dieting. This sounds great, but I’m limited to time to spend on cooking, Can you tell me a good way to get started?
Hi Pat! Thank you for commenting! I would start by making as many meals as you can ahead of time. What I like to do is cook four or so meals on Sunday and then I’ll have them throughout the week. Try this: Roast a whole chicken on Sunday with a big pan of vegetables. Use the roasted chicken for dinner, then put it on a salad for lunches, mix it with light mayo or low fat sour cream and celery and dried cranberries to make chicken salad for sandwiches. The point is- make one meal that can serve many functions. I often pick 3 recipes to make, each one serving four people. Once they’re done cooking, I portion them into individual tupperware containers and then I have meals already prepared for the week ahead. It’s simple to reheat them for lunch and dinner! I hope this helps! Thanks again for stopping by!
[...] Visiting a Nutritionist [...]
Just found your blog. You are one brave, amazing woman. Great writing. I will be browsing your recipes and reading more. Good stuff.
I am almost having trouble finding the words to say. Your story made me cry. No. It made me bawl like a teenage girl who just got her heart broken (but in a good way). I am currently overweight, not by a lot, but more than I’d like. I am totally addicted to “over eating”. I stuff myself until I honestly am so full I can’t even keep my eyes open. I now can’t even go to bed without eating a huge meal before I lay down. I am stuck in such an ugly place, and need to get out. I need help, but the problem is, I don’t have the money to afford it! Any tips or advice on how to lose this weight and maybe finally be happy with myself? Please, I need some inspiration.
Thank you so much, for even having this blog for me to stumble upon, and realize what I am doing to myself.
-Melanie
I just came across your blog today and I am in awe! I love your writing style and your insights on food/diet are amazing…
I am currently in the middle of my weight loss journey and I know that that will one day be my maintenence journey. This time around I am trying to focus on “normal” eating. I am trying to schedule in times that I can enjoy some higher caloric foods because I enjoy them. I am trying to look at the bigger picture and towards the end where I have to learn to find a eating style that I will be able to maintain long term.
I love what you wrote about your daily dessert and that foods are not “good” or “bad”… My ultimate goal is to be happy how I look and feel great in my skin while still enjoying my life.
You are an amazing inspiration and I will definitely be following your blog for motivation and inspiration.
Keep up the good work!
I feel like you’re taking my feelins & writing them for me.
What powerful words.
You truly have made a difference in my life starting this moment. THANK you.
* feelings!
THIS IS AMAZING!! I have had a food addiction/disordered eating for years. I have met with so many therapist, doctors, and nutritionist and NONE of them have been able to explain this to me like you did!! Thank you soooo much!! I only hope by continuing to read your blog I will find even more inspiration! You should write a book!
Thanks for sharing your experiences with overeating. I enjoyed reading it and the insights you got!
I’ve been spending the past few months trying to figure out how to not only lose weight, but establish a healthy relationship with food. Now, I’m realizing that visiting a nutritionist is what I need to do. Thank you for this insight.
Thank you. I identified with much of this. I’ve been using the Weight Watchers program for 4 years and have taken a few steps backwards, but am working to get back on track. This really helped refocus me.
Hi there! I just found your blog and wanted you to know I loved reading this so much! So much great information and it’s so relatable. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this post, and for all your posts about your journey. You have such a beautiful way with words, and you help so many women by articulating your feelings, and showing us that we are not alone. Can’t wait for your book!
I just stumbled upon your website after staring at mouth-watering desserts on pinterest and I immediately became inspired. I recently lost 40 pounds through diet and exercise. I am currently 142 pounds and trying to figure out ways in which I will maintain this lifestyle forever. It feels awful to think that I will forever have to “diet.” I wish I could come to the mindset of treating food as just a part of life…instead of the center of my life. Right now I am extremely strict during the week and on the weekends I allow myself to splurge a little…well, a lot. The problem is is that on the weekends I am so excited about eating all of those delicious treats that I end up overeating and feeling sick. Like you, I am a complete chocoholic. I can’t walk by a chocolate chip cookie without having it. I cant drive by a bakery without dying to stop and get something. Food has taken over my mind. Before I started dieting, I never thought about it so much. I just ate. Now, I plan every bite, every meal. I can’t wait for the day where I don’t have to think about it anymore. The problem is I am terrified of gaining it back. You seem like you have gotten to the point where I want to be. You are an inspiration..thank you for your story and advice!
oh my god THANK YOU STUMBLE UPON for making me stumble upon your blog ! you are my biggest inspiration yet. I am not obesse but i would like to shed like 10 pounds just to feel skinny and have a flat tummy.. I have a “slender figure” but not as slender as i wish ( i just want a flat belly ) . every summer i get into the gym and i start by hating it and then i love it but when i go back to school i hate it i really do and i overeat my eating passion : FROZEN YOGURT WITH A THOUSAND CHOCOLATE TOPPINGS .. if it were up to me i would make this my breakfast lunch dinner and in between .. but since i cant go to the gym i went to the nutritionist and im on a diet where i cant have many of these sweet things.. so when i get to my goal weight ill feel so scared of eating this again because of the times when i have binged its been like a frenzy i cut the diet one day and the eating wont stop i literally have no control when the binging starts and every time this happens i feel that ive gone back to the start and all the effort ive put in for a week or to go to the trash..so please if you have any words of wisdom i would be more than happy to hear them : ) please continue being this big inspiration you are AMAZING im 1,67 and weigh 130 and want to get to 120pounds
You are such an inspiration! I love reading your blog & you remind me so much of myself in so many ways. This blog post in particular, really hit home. I’ve had a bad relationship with food for many years. I am one to have sectioned food to the categories of “good” & “bad”. & that just made me want to eat more. I love the healthy balance you have found with food, & your posts are helping me with mine as well! Thank you for sharing your journey with us!
Wow. Thank you for putting into words how I also feel, particularily these two sentences…
“Social gatherings involving food had less to do with the buffet and more to do with the social part.”
“I didn’t just want the taste of a warm brownie sundae, I wanted it to make me so full that I became numb and couldn’t think about anything but my distressed belly.”
I’m 24, 5’0″, and weigh a whopping 230 lbs. I’m lost, and don’t know how to begin (again, because I’ve done the weight loss game before, le sigh).
Your blog is encouraging, insightful, and I really hope it can help me.
Thanks.
your journey is so inspiring. Thank you for telling your stories.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, from beginning to end with us. It is truly inspiring. I have been on a weight loss journey myself for about 8 months and am currently down 45.6 lbs. I feel as thought I am beginning to hit a bit of a plateau and was thinking it may be winter and holidays and such, but after reading the last part of this posting, something really hit me. In the last paragraph, you talk about overeating to stuff away our emotions, and although I have obviously been working on portion control and calorie counting to lose the weight I have lost, with newly added stress from work and my marriage I believe that I may be turning to “stuffing away my emotions” again. I have never thought of it in that; how you write it out, that we are missing the “over” part of overeating because the emotions are still there, so we need to stop overeating, sit with the emotions, and let the healing begin-AMAZING. Thank you- I think a new level of healing can begin for me tonight now.
You are such an amazing writer. I’ve really enjoyed all your posts. Thank you for sharing your story with the world
wow. the moment i started reading your post, im glued. you wrote it with so much passion, i can feel your pain and struggle in keeping the balance and im glad that you’re now looking at it positively. a lot of my friends have tried different diet techniques in order to lose weight to the point of depriving theirselves with the food they’ve crave to eat, or if they do, they’ll purge it (binge-purge) which isnt healthy. thanks to your blow by blow account on your visit with the nutritionist, i now understood what most of my friends went through.
thanks for sharing.