What I miss from 135lbs Ago
I miss some aspects of life when I was big. 135lbs ago.
I miss the reckless abandon.
I miss the volume of food, the horizon of eats that lay before me on a table, knowing full well that the only thing stopping me was my fist-sized stomach. And even then there was always stretch.
I miss the way the fourth slice of pizza tastes. The fifth even more.
I miss bricks of brownie + ice cream + caramel + whipped cream + the crumblies of a Reese’s twosome. For a snack after lunch.
I miss when menus at restaurants were just lists of delicious dinners. And nothing more nutritionally threatening.
I miss not thinking for more than four seconds before deciding that, why yes, I’d absolutely adore donuts for breakfast.
I miss plunging my forearm into a bucket of thrice buttered pop corn at the movie theater. Shoveling mouthfuls of salted and soggy kernels into my gullet. Then Snow Caps. Then Sprite.
I miss brunching with sausage, egg, and cheese on greased and griddled everything bagels in the dining hall at college. With hash browns and a mind on lunch.
I miss all ten inches of that buffalo chicken pizza I called for when the party music stopped playing. And Kelis’ Milkshake.
I miss not caring when or how my next meal came, only that it came. And stayed. And never left.
I miss the way Cap’n Crunch-ed so loudly I couldn’t hear my dad hollering.
I miss that feeling I had when every fiber of my anatomy believed food to be the kindest, most loving spirit a girl could know.
wow….you are a wonderful writer!! Thank you so much for sharing your story. My question is, how did you get rid of your arms?! Lately I’ve been walking, biking and running a lot. Just because. Then, I started to realize that I’ve been losing weight. Yay! I’m 5’3 and I was hitting 170lbs. So, now…i haven’t weighed myself but, I know that I weigh less because I had to get new jeans! But, my arms are not going away and now they look awesomely flabby and the stretch marks are beginning to appear. eek!! I don’t know what to do to lose my arms too. Anyway, I think this was WAY too much for a first “meeting”. But, keep up with the writing! Oh, and I’m going to try your lasagna cups as well!!! =)
Thanks for being so awesome!
You look wonderful! I recently lost over 70 lbs in 2 yrs time. I love to cook and bake and eat, but learned how to eat the right foods, and a lot of exercise and walking. I love this website, especially your chocolate recipes! I still splurge every Sunday by making some dessert and eating one piece of it. My family finishes it for me! Keep up the good work!
Have you tried investing in a ketel ball? I have one, and I have really toned up my arms since I invested in one! It’s a great purchase!
how did you lose your arm flab?
Hi Tanya,
I was lucky, I suppose- my arms just got smaller as my whole body did. I have never spent much time strength training.
Andie
Wow. You are such an inspiration. I am you. I am from that same mind… but I have lost 25 lbs and I will get to where you are. Congratulations.
OMGOODNESS!!! Reading the other parts of your site I honestly thought you were talking about how you shed a few dozen lbs but holy smokes! you look great! What an inspiration!
Such a great post… So far I’ve lost 70lbs in 5 months (started at 368lbs and I’m about halfway to my goal), and I’m sort of at the point where I need to rejuvenate my inspiration. Reading your story has been that for me today. I’ve been on my journey long enough that turning back just isn’t even on my radar anymore, but it’s always good to feel re-energized for the next leg of the race. The perspective in your post about maintenance is much needed as well. Like you (and many others I assume) the thoughts, “what am I going to do once I reach my goal, and how will I avoid becoming just another cliché of a person who makes such a monumental change only to slip back within a matter of years?” are always in the back of my head. But I almost don’t even care because the perspective I’ve gained about myself already easily outweighs those doubts (pun intentional). Again, like you, I know I over-ate to (at least partially) fill a void. Mine was left by the death of my mother when I was young, and reinforced by other events and choices that simply kept the cycle of depression and coping with food going over the course of almost 20 years. I’m lucky to have found a sense of emotional stability a few years ago, but I just never bothered to tackle the old symptoms of over-eating to fill the void. Now I feel like I’m finally reforming my physical body to better represent the person I feel I’ve become on the inside. Reading your story, and seeing you now, helps reconfirm my resolve. On a side note, and not to sound insanely shallow, but you are proof that there is no substitute for great bone structure. You were already beautiful at 268. =) Keep doing what you’re doing gorgeous.
Wow…You sure lost a lot of weight and you look good. I’m not good with exercise, but I walk to and from work. Any tips other tips. I’m not big currently 9.6st, but I’d like to get to 8 st. Any good ideas. I eat well also. But my down fall is sugar and all its friends
I lost 100 pounds, but I gained back 20, I’m working on losing that 20 again. Its a fight, but I love that I have the will to fight. Your article brought me back to that place, where I ate with reckless abandon. I can only think of how I shortened my life span. I can’t wait to try some of the recipes that you have here.
You are beautiful- you did such a great job losing weight and were pretty even before your loss. Inspiration to the rest of us for sure!
Wow I love this! You have such a great story and I’m going to read the 2nd part now!
OMG what a DOLL. You’re so pretty that you were a doll when you were fat! O.M.G.
The problem with being drop-dead gorgeous, however, is that it can be a pain in the ass; you can probably start the list yourself. It’s another example of life’s innumerable trade-offs.
But besides all this, congratulations. Losing big weight is a tough thing. Unless you go MY route, which was through cancerous cachexia (wasting). I could have eaten five huge pizzas a day and lost weight. And lose I did — from 210 to 157 the other day. (I’m 5’11″.)
Congratulations, gorgeous
You are such an amazing inspiration and it is nuts how I can relate to you in so many ways. I stumbled upon this story and it was exactly what I needed.
I am on my own journey of weight loss and I have the same thoughts you had. “When I’m thin I’ll finally exist, be happy, succeed…etc.”
Like you, I have always been big my entire life. That is all I have ever known, and you taught me that I shouldn’t be ashamed of this.
I need to find happiness and identity AWAY from my body. I have defined myself by my body my whole life. But my body is just that. A body.
My overweight body has housed my thoughts and emotions my whole life, so that is probably why I have identified myself by my weight. It is hard to separate my thoughts and emotions from body. I need to just let go of the blanket of security I find in hiding underneath my skin.
I don’t know if any of this makes sense….
Just know that you have taught me a lot about how to deal with probably one of the most emotional and physical changes I will ever experience.
Thank you.
You are stunningly beautiful sweetheart! Please watch cutting all sat fat out of your diet! Your body needs those. I know almonds and pb are good subs but your body needs cheese
I had a hard time when my grandpa died. I exercise and eat fairly well but I was in the gym all the time and got really thin. Luckly I worked there and I had my boss pull me aside to ask if I was ok. She helped a lot.
I’m glad you stopped counting calories. Listening to your body is the hardest thing to balance, if you’re craving sweets, that’s the time to add some fat in your diet. You’ll feel full pretty quickly plus if you run or walk, you will not see weight gain.
one fitness lover to another. God bless
I’m so happy to have found your blog! As someone who also loves to cook, but is trying to lose just as much weight as you did, I find you very inspiring. Thank you for sharing everything you have…been reading it all.
Your story is absolutely amazing. Definitely makes me want to back on the bandwagon to just be content with my weight again
Just discovered your blog… I’m going to be using it a LOT for inspiration. The only way I have been able to lose significant amounts of weight has been to not eat…. Hence the reason I always gain it back. I’m trying to make changes… and your blog looks like it will be a great helper. Thanks for inspiring… everyone
I ADORE YOU.
[...] the RSS feed for updates on this topic.Powered by WP Greet Box WordPress PluginI got this idea from Andi at Can You Stay for Dinner? and had it on the back burner for a while. Sorry for the lack of pictures, but I’d just [...]
It’s such a relief reading my thoughts from someone who has made a success of getting their life / weight into gear.
I’M NOT ALONE!
wow! you are amazing! I feel so motivated to start a new life, being in my late 20s and always struggling with weight is very comforting to know I am not alone in this change I am about to make for a healthy life.
Thank you for your blog!
Looking fabulous!!!!
Your blog is such a inspiration to me. I am so happy I stumbled across your page today. I am passing your link around to everyone I know who is struggling. Congratulations to you on your success.
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Wow, You are so motivating. Im 5’2 and 165lbs. Which to me is 25 pounds too much. I smoke so running is nearly impossible and i like food alot and eating super healthy is difficult. I have told my self that after the holidays i was going to get my butt into gear and get in shape already. I just dont know where to start… HOw did you start?
I am glad I stumbled upon your website. I too am in the same place as you. I lost 120, it took me years but it has stayed off for years and I thought that if I could just get to this “goal” I would be ok. When I hit that “goal” I made a new one and again until I realized that what I need is personal acceptance. I also felt that I was alone, everyone telling me I look great and not to lose any more weight because I would look sick (not true, I am at a healthy weight). Now my struggle is inside me, learning to be happy and as “normal” as I can. I am thankful for your blog. Keep up the good work!
I sit here in tears, as I read your blog. Though our stories are different the feelings you describe are the same. I have tried to get those emotions out sooooo many times and just couldn’t! I have lost 95lbs (from 225-130), and now up a bit from that goal weight. But you have motivated to get back on track. Thank you and God bless!
You look sooo amazing! You are my new inspiration. Your story makes me actually BELIEVE that I too can loose the weight. Thank you so much for this wonderful blog! <3
[...] was inspired by this woman to start this blog. Reading her words I could see how something so negative as being an obese [...]
I dont miss the food anymore. I miss my health. I had my surgery done way back before the warnings were given. I hope they in formed you about later on of the ulcers. the vitamins or lack there of. the valves and the pancreas problems. the kidney trouble the …. well its not just me. my specialist and the others like me have studied the statistics . we have talked with numerous “locals” that had this done 5 to 10 years ago… many of use now are very ill. i for one have gone down from 365 to 200 for 8 years , which was good at the time for my age. now ive lost so much more( 130) i look like an elephant skin. im sick to the point im on so many meds. like i said im just one of the few that are sick here. you look good but i hope you are one of the lucky ones. enjoy it while you can. you are young.
You are such an amazing motivation! I have been trying to lose weight for a few years now but I have been trying and failing. Unfortunately, I just love food! I do not eat that much during the day, I just have low metabolism. I am 5’7″ and weight 178 lbs. I would like to get down 145 lbs. for now.
One of my struggles is that I’ll buy healthy food and eat it and only it for a week or so then it’ll go bad really fast! It’s a waste of time and money! And, I usually eat out to dinner twice on the weekends. Which is very difficult to eat healthy at restaurants!
Any motivational tips are welcome!
Have been encouraged with your blog. Thank you. I thought you mentioned a book you had read regarding our emotional state and over eating. Could you give me book name and author? Blessings for the new year.
[...] CanYouStayForDinner? – What I Miss from 135 lbs Ago [...]
wow this is inspirational, I thought when I bumped on your blog is just to browse some wonderful recipe but when I read this post it is really inspire me I weigh 90 lbs when I was teenager and starting to increase as I grow old but i retain my weight in 125 but I think I am big for that…I hope as I go along on your blog I could also loose weight the way you do.
[...] What I miss from 135 lbs ago [...]
No idea how I found your blog but what an inspiration you are! I love seeing these types of blogs with people so strong that in the end they win their battles. Beautiful!
[...] great length) reader/fan emails and posts her replies on her blog. I love the gal! She even wrote about what she misses from 135 pounds ago. She’s honest. I know she’s not blowing [...]
Thank you for sharing. I’ve recently lost 100 pounds and can totally relate!!!
You, my dear, are such an inspiration. Not just in the “look how much weight this gal lost” way but you are incredibly profound in your writing. We have a lot in common with our childhood and turning to food as comfort, a babysitter, and best friend. I was a little girl who had to shop in the adult section way before my time and was humiliated to be seen by elementary classmates shopping in the cool kid section. I am now nearing the end of my 20′s and I fear at 5 foot 8 I am currently sitting at 205 pounds.
A few years ago I got down to 165lbs and felt pretty great. I still wasn’t at my goal but I looked good, felt good, etc but you are right, it didn’t fix me. I still had anxiety, depression, low self esteem and still relapsed to emotional eating. This is why I am back at 205lbs today, 3 years after reaching a number I never imagined.
The reason I’m giving you this history is because I know I have an emotional food dependency and it sounds like you did as well. How did you go about breaking it, or at least controlling it? I know people say counseling and other therapy helps but I’m going to be honest, therapy is not a cupcake so how the hell does it replace that need for butter, sugar, and instant happiness? I can get motivated to workout, to restrict my diet for a few weeks, but there is always the binge that comes after. Do you have any advice for a emotional food addict who has tried just about all the alternatives in the book?